How Should I Manage my Son's Screen Time? He Is Autistic

“How would you suggest I manage my 7 year old son’s screen time? he’s also autistic so i don’t want to take away one of the things he depends on like the ipad, but i’m worried that he’s spending too much time on it, plus his online learning hours are also on a screen so it’s like there’s almost no non–screen time right now.”

You are not the only parent wondering if their child is having too much screen time. I think it is a good idea for you to make a proper assessment of how much screen time your son is having a day but also what he is doing when he is on the screen. Make a record of it over a week: time and activity and then with that objective information, evaluate if he is really spending too much time on it.

Your goal should be for your child to find a balance between his screen time, and time he spends outdoors, with friends and family, at school, sleep…. Ideally, he should find a balance between all aspects of his life.

If you find that he is really spending too much time on the screen, have a chat with him about it and renegotiate with him new rules that you both agree with.

I hope this helps!

Regards,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

What Is Parental Burnout?

Parental burnout is a syndrome characterized by three main features:

Intense exhaustion: physical, emotional, or both.

Feeling emotionally distant from one’s child.

Feeling doubtful of one’ capacity to be a good parent.

Parental burnout is not the ‘typical’ parenting stress. Parental burnout impedes parents to cope. It appears when parenting demands exceed the resources parents have available.

What Does the Research Say?

Research shows that mothers experience parental burnout more often than fathers. However, this pattern varies depending on the country and culture where parents live. This suggests that social organization of parenting, and not gender itself, drives the difference.

Why Are Mothers More Affected on Average?

Intensive mothering norms: we are raising children in a very intense manner. As a result, many mothers feel that they have to be constantly present, perfect, and patient, putting them at a higher risk of burning out.

Mothers carry the mental load: research shows how in general, mothers tend to carry most of the mental load, even in couples where both work outside the home.

Loneliness: mothers who feel lonelier are at a higher risk of experiencing parental burnout.

Reporting differences: it may be that women find it easier to verbalize they are experiencing burnout and to seek help, making burnout more visible in the case of women than men.

Does This Mean Fathers’ Don’t Experience Parental Burnout?

No. Fathers can and they do experience parental burnout. And when they do the consequences can be as serious.

When mothers and fathers carry a similar mental load and responsibilities, burnout levels between them become similar.

How Does Parental Burnout Affect Children?

It is important to understand that parental burnout does not only affect the parent, it also affects the spouse and the children.

The parent who suffers parental burnout struggles with his own mental health and is at a higher risk of developing other mental health conditions, leaving the family, and of committing suicide.

Parental burnout is negative for children because when parents are stressed, their ability to regulate their own emotions, their patience and availability, gets worse. Parents who are burnout are at higher risk of being neglectful or violent towards their children. Parental violence can range from minor to major physical or psychological aggression. Their children are more likely to experience mental health and behavioural issues, and to do worse in school.

Parental burnout also affects the spouse. It increases the intensity and frequency of spousal conflict, reduces the quality of life of family members, and strains family relations. Parents who experience burnout are also less likely to want to have more children.

Therefore, preventing parental burnout is key. We should not wait until parents experience it to tackle it. This is why parents should know what parental burnout so they can take the steps to protect themselves and to identify it and seek timely help.

A Message for Parents

Parental burnout is not a ‘mother problem’. It is a societal problem.

Mothers show higher rates of parental burnout because they are:

Held at a higher and less flexible standards

The emotional and logistics manager of the family

The main caregiver

If you think you may be experiencing burnout, get in touch with us. Our therapists are here to support you and your family.

This article is part of REC Parenting’s Complete Guide to Parental Burnout, where we explore what parental burnout is, how it develops, how it affects the whole family, and measures to tackle it effectively.

References

Mikolajczak, M., Aunola, K., Sorkkila, M., & Roskam, I. (2023). 15 years of parental burnout research: Systematic review and agenda. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 32(4), 276-283.https://doi.org/10.1177/09637214221142777

Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2021). The slippery slope of parental exhaustion: A process model of parental burnout. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 77, 101354.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2021.101354

Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Gender differences in the nature, antecedents and consequences of parental burnout. Sex Roles, 83(7), 485-498. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-020-01121-5

Hays, S. (1998). The fallacious assumptions and unrealistic prescriptions of attachment theory: A comment on” Parents’ Socioemotional Investment in Children”. Journal of Marriage and Family, 60(3), 782-790. https://doi.org/10.2307/353546

Lebert-Charron, A., Dorard, G., Wendland, J., & Boujut, E. (2021). Who are and are not the burnout moms? A cluster analysis study of French-speaking mothers. Journal of Affective Disorders Reports, 4, 100091. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadr.2021.100091

Mikolajczak, M., Brianda, M. E., Avalosse, H., & Roskam, I. (2018). Consequences of parental burnout: Its specific effect on child neglect and violence. Child abuse & neglect, 80, 134-145.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.03.025

Brianda, M. E., Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Hair cortisol concentration as a biomarker of parental burnout. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 117, 104681.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2020.104681

Ren, X., Cai, Y., Wang, J., & Chen, O. (2024). A systematic review of parental burnout and related factors among parents. BMC public health, 24(1), 376.https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-024-17829-y

Bogdán PM, Varga K, Tóth L, Gróf K, Pakai A. Parental Burnout: A Progressive Condition Potentially Compromising Family Well-Being-A Narrative Review. Healthcare (Basel). 2025 Jul 4;13(13):1603. doi: 10.3390/healthcare13131603. PMID: 40648627; PMCID: PMC12249155.

Parental burnout can be reduced and sometimes prevented. Prevention is more dependent on support, context, and realistic expectations than on parenting techniques. When demands are lowered and resources increased- at social, family, and workplace levels- the risk of parental burnout decreases significantly.

Why This Question Matters So Much

burnout father sitting with baby girl on the floor at home. — S

Many parents ask this question because they have already experienced burnout and they do not want to experience it again. Others ask the question because they are tired and starting to feel fed up with parenting and they want to avoid reaching their breaking point.

Usually, fear underlies this question: “Does it mean that I have failed if I experience parental burnout?”. Rest assured that experiencing parental burnout does not mean you have failed. It can happen to any of us.

What Research Tells Us about Prevention

Research on parental burnout shows that it appears when there is a chronic imbalance between:

Resources: support, time…

Demands: logistical, emotional, relational, cognitive…

Important protective factors are:

Realistic expectations of parenting: ditch trying to be the perfect parent or becoming a parent martyr

Fair distribution of caregiving responsibilities

Practical and social support: find your tribe and share some the workload

A sense of choice and agency

Opportunities for psychological recovery

Preventing burnout is not about becoming a calmer parent or a better parent but about reframing the way you are parenting.

Why Burnout Prevention Is Often Framed the Wrong Way

Very often parents are told that if they are burnout is because they are doing it wrong. This is not the case. At REC Parenting we do not believe in this approach because it only creates more guilt in parents.

What Increases the Risk of Parental Burnout

Research shows that there are some parents at a higher risk of experiencing burnout:

Parents who aim to be perfect

Parents of lower socioeconomic status

Parents with low literacy

Mothers

Mothers who experience postpartum depression

Single parents

Parents who are emotionally instable

Parents who are not conscientious (this is the tendency to be organized, responsible, disciplined, and goal-oriented)

Parents from individualistic countries: the prevalence of parental burnout raises from 5% to 9%

Parents of neurodivergent children, children with chronic illness or special needs

What Prevention Realistically Looks Like

depressed mother with a toddler — burnout, Sad and tired mother with her baby girl at home.

It is impossible to eliminate all the stress from our life, but we can build buffers to protect us against the stress:

Finding your tribe

Getting professional support: cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) tends to work.

Redistributing mental load and responsibilities: unequal caregiving is a strong predictor of parental burnout

Reducing demands: letting go of expectations that are not really necessary, simplifying expectations and routines…

Rethinking unrealistic expectations of parenting: letting go of the idea of being perfect, stopping comparisons with other parents…

Creating space for psychological recovery: having time with no demands and moments of choice

Can Parental Burnout Always Be Prevented?

Sadly, not always. Prevention measures reduce the risk of developing burnout but they do not completely eliminate it. Even parents who feel supported may develop burnout during very stressful periods.

A Final Message for Parents

Parental burnout is not always preventable. Very often to prevent burnout, we need to change something in our environment: we need to get more help, redistribute the mental load, or have time to take care of ourselves. And it is not always possible to change our environment.

If you are struggling, we are here to support you. Get in touch!

How We Understand Parental Burnout at REC Parenting

At REC Parenting we frequently see parents (especially mothers) experiencing burnout. They experience burnout not because they are doing anything wrong, not because they are weak but because sadly, our society does not support mothers. Parental burnout is not a personal failure but a response to an environment marked by constant pressure, mental loads that need to be dealt with alone, and insufficient support.

We see parents who devote all their time and energy to their children. So much that they neglect their own needs and they reach a point where they have nothing left to give. To make it worse, many parents feel that feeling this way is a normal part of parenting. Others feel ashamed for being so tired and they do not understand why they are not enjoying raising their children.

We strongly believe that parental burnout has more to do with society’s structure. This means that we must take personal blame out of the equation.

What Psychology and Research Tell Us

Feeling stress is ‘normal’, common and even necessary. Parental burnout is something else. It is different to parenting stress, burnout, and depression. Parental burnouthappens when parenting stress impedes parents to cope. When parents lack the resources they need to handle their parenting demands, they may develop parental burnout.

Parental burnout is characterized by three main features:

• Intense exhaustion: physical, emotional, or both.

• Feeling emotionally distant from one’s child.

• Feeling doubtful of one’ capacity to be a good parent

Parents feel exhausted just by thinking about their role as parents. As a result, parents gradually detach from their children. They become less and less involved and in the end their interactions with their children are limited to logistics(e.g., “I will pick you up at 5 pm”). Consequently, parents begin to feel that they are not good parents, and their relationship with their children is damaged. Parents feel they are not being the parent they’d like to be. We can all experience these symptoms at some time. But when a parent is burnout, they experience them frequently and strongly.

Very often, people think that parental burnout only affects mothers, but that is absolutely not the case – there is a reason we call it ‘parental’ and not ‘maternal burnout’. Mothers might be most at risk as they often have the most contact with children and carry a disproportionate amount of the mental load, but fathers can, and do, burn out too.

In fact, some studies suggest that fathers may be even more vulnerable to parental burnout, perhaps because traditional gender roles have left fathers less prepared for the challenges of childcare and men may feel less able to seek emotional and practical support. Research also suggests that the consequences of parental burnout, such as withdrawing from your child or having escape fantasies, are also found to be more severe in fathers than in mothers.

Because research on parental burnot is still quite new, there are not many studies examining how it develops. A recent study shows that parental burnout does not appear suddenly, instead it is the result of a long process. This process has three stages:

1) Emotional exhaustion: the parent is always tired, even first thing in the morning, realizing they must spend another day with their child. The parent may feel that they have nothing else to give.

2) Emotional distancing: the parent gets less and lessinvolved in their child’s life. They do the bare minimum to keep their child fed, clean, and safe.

3) Loss of accomplishment in one’s parental role: the parent feels that they have had enough of parenthood. They find no joy in their children feel that they cannot keep going.

Why Parental Burnout Is Common Today

The term ‘parental burnout’ has been around since the 1980s but there wasn’t any significant research into it until the last few years and that takes time to tickle down into the public conscience. So, despite it being a relatively common condition (5% of parents worldwide are suffering from burnout) ⁽²⁾, it’s not yet widely talked about or understood.

The rise in parental burnout is connected to broader structural and social factors:

• We are raising kids in a very intensive, child-centeredway

• Mental load falls in the mothers, even when both, thefather and the mother work outside the home

• Ineffective work-life balance

• Trying to reach the perfect mother myth

• Mothers feeling lonely and lacking a tribe to raise their children

• The focus on productivity that is prevalent in today’s society

All these factors have made parental burnout more common. These days, parenting is intense and when parents do not have the support they need, exhaustion is to be expected. So, the idea that parental burnout is not real, that is just millennial snowflakes complaining, is simply not accurate.

Although as we have mentioned, parental burnout is linked to social factors, there are parents who are at a higher risk of experiencing it:

• Parents of neurodivergent children, children with chronic illness or special needs

• Parents who aim to be perfect

• Parents of lower socioeconomic status

• Parents with low literacy

• Mothers

• Mothers who experience postpartum depression

• Single parents

• Parents who are emotionally instable

• Parents who are not conscientious (this is the tendency to be organized, responsible, disciplined, and goal-oriented)

• Parents from individualistic countries: the prevalence of parental burnout raises from 5% to 9%

Common Signs of Parental Burnout

Different people will experience parental burnout differently, but common signs are:

• Increased irritability

• Fatigue that does not disappear with rest

• Difficulty enjoying even calm and joyful moments

• A constant feeling of being at their limit

• Constant guilt about not being the perfect parent

Parents who experience burnout are at higher risk of experiencing suicidal and escape ideations, and to problems such as substance abuse and sleep problems. It can also lead to a decrease in life satisfaction and depressive symptoms.

So far, there are two psychological tests that measure Parental burnout: the Parental Burnout Inventory (PBI) and the Parental Burnout Assessment (PBA). The PBA examines four factors:

• Emotional distance from one’s children

• Feelings of being fed up with one’s parental role,

• Contrast with how the parent used to and wanted to be,

• Exhaustion related to one’s parental role.

How Parental Burnout Affects Children and Family Life

It is important to understand that parental burnout does not only affect the parent, it also affects the spouse and the children.

The parent who suffers parental burnout struggles with his own mental health and is at a higher risk of developing other mental health conditions, leaving the family, and of committing suicide.

Parental burnout also affects the spouse. It increases the intensity and frequency of spousal conflict, reduces the quality of life of family members, and strains family relations.Parents who experience burnout are also less likely to want to have more children.

Frequently Asked Questions about Parental Burnout

In our work with families, we often hear these questions:

• What is parental burnout and how do I know I have it?

• Can parental burnout be prevented?

• Is it normal to feel exhausted even when I love my children?

• Is parental burnout more typical of mothers than of fathers?

• How does parental burnout affect children?

• How can I recover from parental burnout?

• Are parental burnout and depression the same?

What Usually Does Not Help? (Even Though It Is Often Suggested)

• Romanticising resilience: the idea that good parents “suck it up” and keep going to matter what, is not helpful when you are struggling with burnout.

• Generic advice such as “how to organize yourself better”

• Adding more pressure thinking that it is self-care: it seems that self-care these days has become another obligation, you need to do journaling, medication, fasting…. Adding more things to your to-do-list will unlikely improve your burnout. Self-care is crucial for parents but it shoud not be seen as another obligation.

• Treating parental burnout as an individual problem: as we have already seen there are some parents who are at a higher risk of experiencing parental burnout but this does not mean that they are the only ones who experience it. More than anything, parental burnout is a societal problem.

What Actually Helps (Based on Experience and Evidence)

• Finding your tribe

• Getting professional support: cognitive behavioraltherapy (CBT) tends to work.

• Redistributing mental load and responsibilities

• Reducing demands

• Rethinking unrealistic expectations of parenting

The good news is that parental burnout can be managed. By addressing the balance between stressors and resources, research shows that the symptoms of parental burnout can improve, along with the associated stress hormone levels. So, if you’re feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a professional and get the support you need so you can get back to enjoying family life. The goal is to change the way we parent our children to make it sustainable and enjoyable.

An Important Message for Parents

Parenting was never meant to be done alone. If you are feeling burnout, it does not mean you are failing. It means you need more support and to reassess the way you are raising your children. We are here to support you. Do get in touch with us if you think you are experiencing parental burnout.

Continue Exploring

You can keep on reading about parental burnout, work-family balance, realistic parenting and mental load in other REC Parenting articles. We explore these issues through a contextual, psychological, and deeply human lens.

7 Myths about Parental Burnout

How Does Parental Mental Health Affect a Child?

Do You Have Advice for Stress Relief for Parents?

References

Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Gender differences in the nature, antecedents and consequences of parental burnout. Sex Roles, 83(7), 485-498. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-020-01121-5

Ren, X., Cai, Y., Wang, J., & Chen, O. (2024). A systematic review of parental burnout and related factors among parents. BMC public health, 24(1), 376.https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-024-17829-y

“Can you please tell us some redirection techniques that are effective and not harmful? Thank u”

Dad using redirection techniques with his daughter

Redirection techniques involve shifting a child’s focus from unwanted behaviour to a positive alternative.

Redirection techniques are:

Physical guidance: move the child to a different location or activity

Distraction: introduce a new activity

Offer choices: e.g., “Would you like to read this book or this other book?”

Verbal redirection (e.g., “You need to say ’please’)

When considering redirection techniques, it is important to be proactive, stay calm, be consistent, don’t give big reactions to unwanted behaviour, and praise good behaviour.

I hope this helps!

Ana