What Is Parallel Play?
Parallel play (1) is when children seem to be playing together with other children but in reality, they are just playing side by side. They do not interact with each other, nor do they share toys.
An example of parallel play is two children quietly building their own block towers next to each other. Or for example, two toddlers playing in the same toy kitchen but each of them is cooking on their own.
Why Is Play Important?
Play is really important for children’s development. During play, children develop their emotional, social, and cognitive skills. During play (2) , children learn to make sense of the world, they explore their environment, and they learn to solve problems. Let’s also not forget that children simply like to play.
Children must be allowed to play because it is fundamental for their development. Play is not just something children do. Play is children’s work.
There are reports suggesting that children are playing less than previous generations used to. Or at least, that they are engaging in less adventurous (3) and outdoors play. This is one of the reasons why some psychologists believe that children’s and teenagers’ mental health has gotten worse in the past years.
When Do Children Engage in Parallel Play?
Children engage in parallel play between the ages of 18 -24 months until around the ages of 3 or 4, when children usually start preschool. By then, children start playing cooperatively. They start playing with other children and not only next to other children.
Remember that these ages are just approximate. Some children (4) will not engage much in parallel play, some children will start cooperative play way earlier, and some children will keep playing on their own for a bit longer. It depends on factors such as if your kid has siblings, when they start going to nursery, or how often they interact with other children. Remember that each child is different, and they hit developmental milestones a bit sooner or later. However, if you are worried about your child, always consult with your doctor.
Why Is Parallel Play Important?
Your child is not playing with others yet, but parallel play prepares him for social play. During parallel play, children also:
- Observe and sometimes imitate children playing alongside them. They get curious about what the other children are doing and the toys they are playing with.
- Start to understand that other children have feelings and thoughts, just like them.
- Learn to share their space with other children.
- Observe how adults interact with children
- Develop their motor skills
Parallel Play Concerns and Challenges
During this stage, parents (5) often try to make their child play with other children, but they usually fail. They fail simply, because at this stage children do not yet have the skills to play together. They will get there on their own time. At this stage, just worry about giving them opportunities to interact with other children. Your child is not ‘antisocial’ because he is playing on his own at this stage of his development. He is just doing what he is ‘meant’ to be doing. He is not ready yet to make friends.
What Are the Other Stages of Play?
Sociologist, Mildred Parten (6) , proposed in the early 1900s that there are six stages of play:
- Unoccupied Play: this is how babies entertain themselves. They move and observe with no specific goal. Examples are watching everything that is around them, grasping whatever they can get hold of, or knocking over toys.
- Solitary Play: The child is playing totally absorbed in his own thoughts. This stage of play typically starts during the baby months and continues into toddlerhood. An example is a child reading a book or playing with his stuffed animal without interacting with anyone.
- Onlooker Play (or Spectator Play): The child observes what other children are doing, they may even ask questions, but do not engage with them. An example is a young kid watching two older kids building a tower with blocks. This stage of play usually starts in the toddler years and may last until the start of primary school. It may seem that your child is not doing anything, but he is learning the social rules around play.
- Parallel Play
- Associative Play: This is when children start to interact and talk with each other. They are still quite focused on doing their own thing, but they chat with others and are interested in what the others are doing. Associative examples are drawing or playing with playdough.
- Cooperative Play: The goal of all five previous stages of play is to prepare children for cooperative play. This is when young children are truly planning and playing together. They work together towards a common goal. Examples of cooperative play activities are building a block tower together, playing house or role playing. This type of play tends to start during the preschool years, when children are around four years of age. It provides children with the opportunity to interact with other children and is the building block to building friendships.
These six stages of play are not set in stone. Depending on their age, children may move from playing cooperatively, to solitary, to onlooker, depending on their play environment. Children also prefer one type of play over others depending on their personality and interests.
Parallel Play in Neurodivergent Children
Children with autism (7) usually have problems developing their play skills. They are less likely to play with other children and tend to stay on the outside of play activities. When they engage in play, it tends not to be creative and interactive but scripted and one-sided. This is why very often, children with autism are taught to play with other children.
Regarding children with ADHD (8) , there is some evidence suggesting that children who played regularly in green spaces, had milder symptoms than children who played more often in built indoor or outdoor spaces.
Takeaway
Play in early childhood is really important. Sometimes, children are so busy with school, homework, and extracurricular activities, that they have little time to play. If you sometimes think that your child is wasting their time when they are playing, try to change this mindset. Remember that play is children’s work. This work helps the development of their social, cognitive, and emotional skills.
Learn more about this topic, watch our masterclass on children’s play with Dr Rachel Nesbit, one of the most relevant researchers of play.
If you have questions or comments, do not hesitate to get in touch with me.
Love,
Ana
References
(1) Neal, J. W., Neal, Z. P., & Durbin, C. E. (2022). Inferring signed networks from preschoolers’ observed parallel and social play. Social Networks, 71, 80-86. https://www.elsevier.com/open-access/userlicense/1.0/
(2) Scott, H. K., & Cogburn, M. (2018). Peer play.
(3) Dodd, H. F., Nesbit, R. J., & FitzGibbon, L. (2023). Child’s play: examining the association between time spent playing and child mental health. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 54(6), 1678-1686. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-022-01363-2
(4) Robinson, C. C., Anderson, G. T., Porter, C. L., Hart, C. H., & Wouden-Miller, M. (2003). Sequential transition patterns of preschoolers’ social interactions during child-initiated play: Is parallel-aware play a bidirectional bridge to other play states?. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 18(1), 3-21. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0885-2006(03)00003-6
(5) Dyer, S., & Moneta, G. B. (2006). Frequency of parallel, associative, and cooperative play in British children of different socioeconomic status. Social Behavior and Personality: an international journal, 34(5), 587-592.
(6) Parten, M. B. (1933). Social play among preschool children. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 28(2), 136. https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/h0073939
(7) Groenwoud, Cameron, “The Use of Picture Prompts to Generalize Play Skills and Parallel Play for Children with Autism” (2010). Honors Projects. 53.
https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/honorsprojects/53
(8) Kuo FE, Taylor AF (2004) A potential natural treatment for atten-tion-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: evidence from a national study. Am J Public Health 94(9):1580–1586
Have you ever wondered why your baby is fascinated with tags? What makes these little pieces of satin fabric that detail garment care or label a toy capture your baby’s attention so well – and sometimes even better than the toy itself?
When my eldest daughter was about 5 months old, I noticed her interest in tags and bought her a Taggies toy: a soft fleece blanket with small loops of satin ribbon in all the colors of the rainbow sewn around it. Can you guess which color my baby liked best? None of them. She went straight for the product tag hiding in between!
I’ve since learned that tags have several properties that make them particularly interesting to babies. Exploring what these properties are can offer us a glimpse into how babies learn about the world around them.
The Mystery of Labels and Tags
Tags Are Usually Attached to the Edges of Objects
During the first weeks of life, babies tend to first look at the edges, or outer contours, of a new object as they figure out its shape – and that’s where the tags are usually found. As your baby scans the perimeter of a new toy, he will likely pause at the ‘irregularity’ created by the tag.
Tags Are a Common Feature Between Different Objects
Tags are present on many objects your baby notices in and outside your home, making them an interesting phenomenon for baby to categorize. Just like scientists, babies learn by figuring out patterns in the world around them: they place objects and events they repeatedly observe into categories, and then use these categories to predict the outcomes of future events. For example, by about 5 months a baby usually learns that when she drops something, it falls down; it’ll take a few years before she learns the term ‘gravity’, but she’s already discovered a pattern: objects tend to fall without support (1). She will begin understanding that liquids and solids behave differently (2) around 6 months and gain a sense of object transparency (3) around 8-9 months. When a baby sees a new object or event that fits into a category she’s already figured out, she doesn’t pay extra attention to it. For example, when an older baby drops a ball and it falls down, she is not surprised: her brain sees this predicted experience as “usual”. But when the experience is unusual — say, she sees a helium balloon floating in the air — she cannot easily fit this observation into her existing knowledge, so her brain pays special attention. This is why tags present an interesting challenge: they are a common feature between different objects, but they look and feel a little different each time!
Tags Offer High Contrasts
On most tags, the text is printed against a contrasting background for ease of readability. Newborns cannot see very well yet; it takes a typically developing baby a few months (4) to be able to detect all colors. Even then, more intense and contrasting colors are still easier for babies to spot – and so high-contrast tags draw their attention.
Tags Are Easy to Grasp and Manipulate
As your baby’s fine motor skills progress, he learns to intentionally reach for, grasp, and manipulate objects – and tags are perfect for practicing these newfound skills. The tags themselves tend to be quite small; standalone objects of this size aren’t safe for babies to play with due to risk of choking. However, when securely attached to a larger, safe-to-play-with objects, tags can be explored safely. Feeling the tag’s texture, flipping it over, and noticing the small details can be interesting and calming for babies. It can also be intriguing for babies to feel the difference in texture between the tag itself and the items it’s attached to.
This is why my baby went straight for the product tag instead of exploring the colorful ribbon loops: the product tag likely looked like something she’d seen before, there was only one tag of this type, and the text stood out against the light background, capturing her attention.
Should You Let Your Baby Play with Tags?
I’ve seen parents express concern over their baby’s fascination with labels and tags, wondering if such ‘tag obsession’ is normal. As you can see, it’s very normal and, in fact, can be a sign of learning and growing.
Before you let your baby play with a clothing or toy tags, always check that tags are securely sewn in and won’t come loose (a loose tag could become a choking hazard due to its small size). Make sure the tags your baby plays with are made of soft, smooth materials that won’t hurt your baby’s fingers or gums and don’t have any loose threads that could wrap around baby’s fingers or toes.
And what if your baby is not interested in tags? I wouldn’t worry. She may not have discovered them yet or is simply focusing on other patterns and textures around her.
Sensitive Observation
Whether your baby is interested in tags or not, she is learning incredibly fast. One way to really notice what she’s working on is to simply be with your baby, without the distraction of screens or the pressure to do something, even for just a few minutes every day. Hold your baby or lie down next to her and watch her quietly. Try not to think about what you want her to do or what the charts say she’s supposed to be doing at this age; see her in the moment, as she is. Notice what she’s looking at, what she’s working on, what captures her attention most, and what might be challenging for her. Sensitive observation like this will help you figure out what play objects your baby might enjoy most at this stage – and, more importantly, help you get to know your baby as a unique, special little person.
About the Author
Anya Dunham, PhD, is a research scientist studying ecology, a mom to three young kids, and the author of Baby Ecology, an award-winning book that brings together insights from hundreds of scientific studies to help parents understand babies’ biological needs and create the environment for feeding, sleep, and play that suits their unique baby best. Connect with Anya at https://www.kidecology.com/
References
(1) Needham A, Baillargeon R. Intuitions about support in 4.5-month-old infants. Cognition. 1993 May;47(2):121-48. doi: 10.1016/0010-0277(93)90002-d. PMID: 8324998.
(2) Hespos SJ, Ferry AL, Anderson EM, Hollenbeck EN, Rips LJ. Five-Month-Old Infants Have General Knowledge of How Nonsolid Substances Behave and Interact. Psychol Sci. 2016 Feb;27(2):244-56. doi: 10.1177/0956797615617897. Epub 2016 Jan 7. PMID: 26744069.
(3) Luo Y, Baillargeon R. When the ordinary seems unexpected: evidence for incremental physical knowledge in young infants. Cognition. 2005 Apr;95(3):297-328. doi: 10.1016/j.cognition.2004.01.010. Epub 2005 Jan 7. PMID: 15788161; PMCID: PMC3351380.
(4) Skelton, A.E., Maule, J., & Franklin, A. (2022). Infant color perception: Insight into perceptual development. Child Development Perspectives, 16, 2, 90-95. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdep.12447
Photo Credits
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Photo 2: Pexels rune Stock Project
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