What Is Parallel Play?
Parallel play (1) is when children seem to be playing together with other children but in reality, they are just playing side by side. They do not interact with each other, nor do they share toys.
An example of parallel play is two children quietly building their own block towers next to each other. Or for example, two toddlers playing in the same toy kitchen but each of them is cooking on their own.
Why Is Play Important?

Play is really important for children’s development. During play, children develop their emotional, social, and cognitive skills. During play (2) , children learn to make sense of the world, they explore their environment, and they learn to solve problems. Let’s also not forget that children simply like to play.
Children must be allowed to play because it is fundamental for their development. Play is not just something children do. Play is children’s work.
There are reports suggesting that children are playing less than previous generations used to. Or at least, that they are engaging in less adventurous (3) and outdoors play. This is one of the reasons why some psychologists believe that children’s and teenagers’ mental health has gotten worse in the past years.
When Do Children Engage in Parallel Play?
Children engage in parallel play between the ages of 18 -24 months until around the ages of 3 or 4, when children usually start preschool. By then, children start playing cooperatively. They start playing with other children and not only next to other children.
Remember that these ages are just approximate. Some children (4) will not engage much in parallel play, some children will start cooperative play way earlier, and some children will keep playing on their own for a bit longer. It depends on factors such as if your kid has siblings, when they start going to nursery, or how often they interact with other children. Remember that each child is different, and they hit developmental milestones a bit sooner or later. However, if you are worried about your child, always consult with your doctor.
Why Is Parallel Play Important?

Your child is not playing with others yet, but parallel play prepares him for social play. During parallel play, children also:
- Observe and sometimes imitate children playing alongside them. They get curious about what the other children are doing and the toys they are playing with.
- Start to understand that other children have feelings and thoughts, just like them.
- Learn to share their space with other children.
- Observe how adults interact with children
- Develop their motor skills
Parallel Play Concerns and Challenges
During this stage, parents (5) often try to make their child play with other children, but they usually fail. They fail simply, because at this stage children do not yet have the skills to play together. They will get there on their own time. At this stage, just worry about giving them opportunities to interact with other children. Your child is not ‘antisocial’ because he is playing on his own at this stage of his development. He is just doing what he is ‘meant’ to be doing. He is not ready yet to make friends.
What Are the Other Stages of Play?
Sociologist, Mildred Parten (6) , proposed in the early 1900s that there are six stages of play:
- Unoccupied Play: this is how babies entertain themselves. They move and observe with no specific goal. Examples are watching everything that is around them, grasping whatever they can get hold of, or knocking over toys.
- Solitary Play: The child is playing totally absorbed in his own thoughts. This stage of play typically starts during the baby months and continues into toddlerhood. An example is a child reading a book or playing with his stuffed animal without interacting with anyone.
- Onlooker Play (or Spectator Play): The child observes what other children are doing, they may even ask questions, but do not engage with them. An example is a young kid watching two older kids building a tower with blocks. This stage of play usually starts in the toddler years and may last until the start of primary school. It may seem that your child is not doing anything, but he is learning the social rules around play.
- Parallel Play
- Associative Play: This is when children start to interact and talk with each other. They are still quite focused on doing their own thing, but they chat with others and are interested in what the others are doing. Associative examples are drawing or playing with playdough.
- Cooperative Play: The goal of all five previous stages of play is to prepare children for cooperative play. This is when young children are truly planning and playing together. They work together towards a common goal. Examples of cooperative play activities are building a block tower together, playing house or role playing. This type of play tends to start during the preschool years, when children are around four years of age. It provides children with the opportunity to interact with other children and is the building block to building friendships.
These six stages of play are not set in stone. Depending on their age, children may move from playing cooperatively, to solitary, to onlooker, depending on their play environment. Children also prefer one type of play over others depending on their personality and interests.
Parallel Play in Neurodivergent Children

Children with autism (7) usually have problems developing their play skills. They are less likely to play with other children and tend to stay on the outside of play activities. When they engage in play, it tends not to be creative and interactive but scripted and one-sided. This is why very often, children with autism are taught to play with other children.
Regarding children with ADHD (8) , there is some evidence suggesting that children who played regularly in green spaces, had milder symptoms than children who played more often in built indoor or outdoor spaces.
Takeaway
Play in early childhood is really important. Sometimes, children are so busy with school, homework, and extracurricular activities, that they have little time to play. If you sometimes think that your child is wasting their time when they are playing, try to change this mindset. Remember that play is children’s work. This work helps the development of their social, cognitive, and emotional skills.
Learn more about this topic, watch our masterclass on children’s play with Dr Rachel Nesbit, one of the most relevant researchers of play.
If you have questions or comments, do not hesitate to get in touch with me.
Love,
Ana
References
(1) Neal, J. W., Neal, Z. P., & Durbin, C. E. (2022). Inferring signed networks from preschoolers’ observed parallel and social play. Social Networks, 71, 80-86. https://www.elsevier.com/open-access/userlicense/1.0/
(2) Scott, H. K., & Cogburn, M. (2018). Peer play.
(3) Dodd, H. F., Nesbit, R. J., & FitzGibbon, L. (2023). Child’s play: examining the association between time spent playing and child mental health. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 54(6), 1678-1686. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-022-01363-2
(4) Robinson, C. C., Anderson, G. T., Porter, C. L., Hart, C. H., & Wouden-Miller, M. (2003). Sequential transition patterns of preschoolers’ social interactions during child-initiated play: Is parallel-aware play a bidirectional bridge to other play states?. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 18(1), 3-21. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0885-2006(03)00003-6
(5) Dyer, S., & Moneta, G. B. (2006). Frequency of parallel, associative, and cooperative play in British children of different socioeconomic status. Social Behavior and Personality: an international journal, 34(5), 587-592.
(6) Parten, M. B. (1933). Social play among preschool children. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 28(2), 136. https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/h0073939
(7) Groenwoud, Cameron, “The Use of Picture Prompts to Generalize Play Skills and Parallel Play for Children with Autism” (2010). Honors Projects. 53.
https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/honorsprojects/53
(8) Kuo FE, Taylor AF (2004) A potential natural treatment for atten-tion-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: evidence from a national study. Am J Public Health 94(9):1580–1586
Screens and children’s mental health have been on the news a lot these past few days. Partly because of a few parent-led initiatives calling for smartphone-free childhood, and partly because of psychologist Jonathan Haidt’s new book: “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness”. There is a lot of contradictory information on this issue and at the same time it is an issue that deeply worries parents, so I thought we could dedicate this week’s blog to clearly explain what we know so far about it.
Are Smartphones to Blame for Children’s Mental Health Problems?
Since the early 2010s children’s mental health has sharply declined. Data from the US, Canada, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, and other industrialized countries show how rates of anxiety, depression, and self-harm are higher than in any other generation for which we have data.
The decline in children’s mental health coincided roughly with the arrival of smartphones and so it is easy to assume that one causes the other. However, the research doesn’t paint such a clear picture:
- Most research finds a relation between smartphone use and children’ mental health but most of it is correlational. What does this mean? It means that a relation is found between smartphone use and children’s mental health, but we cannot assume that smartphones are the cause for children’s poor mental health. Remember: correlation doesn’t mean causation.
- This relationship tends to be weak.
- Not all studies find a relation between smartphone use and children’s mental health.

What Other Factors May Be Influencing the Decline of Children’s Mental Health?
- Intensive parenting: In the last few decades, parenting has become much more labour-intensive. This way of parenting requires parents to spend a great deal of energy, money, and time on their children’s well-being. Yet, research suggests that intensive parenting is not beneficial for children. It may lead to children feeling less competent, feel more depressed and more anxious.
- An increasing competitive society: children and teenagers report how academic pressure is worsening their mental health.
- Less outdoor, unsupervised play: Children are spending less time than ever before engaging in unsupervised, outdoor play. Outdoor play is especially beneficial for children because it allows them to experience challenges, understand risk, build confidence, resilience, and independence.
How Worried Should I Be About How Smartphones and Social Media Will Impact my Child?
There are three factors that we should consider: How children use the phone; the things children stop doing because they are using their smartphone; and who your child is.
Let’s have a look at each one of them.
- How children use the phone: For many years, researchers and parents have been more focused on how much children use their phones than on how they use their phones. We should really focus on how they use their phones. It is not the same if your child spends two hours chatting or playing a video game with their friends than if they spend the same two hours watching porn or engaging with content that may be harmful.
- What your child’s screen time is preventing them from doing: If your child is not exercising, going out with friends, spending time with their family or studying because they are with the phone, we may have a problem in our hands. As with most things in life, moderation is key.
- Who your child is: It is difficult to know how each child will respond to using a phone or social media. In general, we can say that children who struggle offline are more likely to struggle online. To give you an example, children who engage in more risky behaviour offline, like drinking alcohol or having sex, are more likely to engage in more risky behaviours online, like watching porn or sexting.
We tend to focus on the dangers that being online may bring to our kids, but for many kids it may be a lifeline. Think of children who may be marginalized in their ‘real life’ because of their sexual orientation, political beliefs, or maybe for being neurodivergent. There is evidence that these children may find a community online and that can be immensely beneficial for them.
What Is the Bottom Line?
Smartphones and social media have risks as well as benefits. From the research available, we can’t blame the decline of children’s mental health solely on smartphone use. Doing this is too simplistic and puts a lot of fear and pressure on already pressured and scared parents.
Screen use (as long as the content is age-appropriate) is not inherently bad. Ideally, we want to find a balance where our children can use their screens, play indoors and outdoors, do their homework, and spend time with friends and relatives. Like everything in life, moderation is key.
In summary, keep screen time in moderation and select content wisely. Be aware of your child’s ‘online life’ so you can help them to deal with the risks that it brings. Let’s be involved in our children’s lives: whether it is online or offline.
I hope you find this information useful. As always, if you need more support, please contact your REC Parenting therapist. Email us if you have any questions or comments.
Much love,
Ana