“How can I help and support my 12 year old daughter who presents with autism and diagnosed with dyslexia navigate/ regulate emotions, calm her nervous system, make logical decisions and learn social cues.”
Parenting a neurodivergent child can be challenging. And sadly, often the conventional parenting advice doesn’t help. Here are some techniques you may find useful:
- Name her feelings whenever she is having a big emotion. There is research showing that just by taking a moment to think and name what we are feeling (“name it to tame it”), we get more regulated. You can also ask her to rate from 1-5 how strongly she is feeling the emotion or to give her emotions a colour (e.g., very strong is a red, strong is a yellow, and light is a green). Get her to do this every time she has a big emotion.
- Discuss appropriate reactions to her emotions: once she understands what she is feeling, you can then discuss what reactions are OK and which ones are not. “I understand that you are feeling angry but hitting your brother is not OK. What can you do instead? Do you want to take five deep breaths until you calm down”. Strategies like: taking deep breaths, counting to 20, walking away from the situation, and having a calming place at home for when she needs it, will help her to calm down. Go through all of them, reflect on which ones are useful and which ones are not, and practice with her doing them whenever she has a big emotion.
- Discuss how her reactions affect other people: if for example, your child is very competitive and this is creating problems with other children because she yells at them whenever she loses a game, discuss with her why she cannot yell at the children. Make it clear that it is OK to feel angry, but the yelling is not OK. Then, discuss with her alternatives to manage her anger. She can choose from the strategies that we discussed in point 3.
- Together, identify her triggers: this way she will understand what situations trigger her, she can be prepared, and then she can regulate herself with one of the techniques I have already mentioned.
- Role play: this is a great way to support her emotional regulation skills and her social skills. If there are certain situations that usually trigger her, role play with her the situation and rehearse appropriate reactions. Consider which social situations make her anxious. For example, she may feel very nervous because she is having a sleepover with a friend. You could role-play the situation with her. You could be the friend, and she can be herself. You could pretend to have the sleepover from the moment she gets to the house, what they will do after, what happens when they finally go to sleep… This way she will feel more in control of the situation, and she can plan how to act, what to say, and she can identify when she will make more anxious.
These are just some techniques that you may find useful. Keep in mind that there are many others that I haven’t mentioned. Also, consider that no two neurodivergent children are the same, so take the techniques that resonate with you and ignore those that don’t.
I also really recommend the book Differently Wired by Debora Reber.
If you would like to discuss in more detail the strategies that would best work for your child, get in touch with me. Remember also to take care of yourself. At REC Parenting, we can support you and your child.
I wish you and your child, all the very, very best.
Love,
Ana
Neurodiversity describes the idea that people experience and interact with the world in different ways. Being neurodivergent means having a brain that works differently from the ‘typical’ person. The key is that these differences are not viewed as deficits, rather they are seen as well…. differences, nor better or worse, just different.
Neurodiversity encompasses a wide range of issues, including: ADHD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, dyscalculia, Down syndrome, epilepsy, Tourette’s syndrome, epilepsy, tics disorders, ODD, giftedness…
Approximately 1 in 6 children can be considered neurodivergent. We know that being a working parent may be challenging but the challenges for working parents of neurodivergent children may seem unsurmountable. These parents have to address frequent and intense crisis-driven care needs for their children, experience stigmatisation in many areas of life, and are concerned about their job security because of their demanding child care responsibilities.
It is no surprising that parents of neurodivergent children drop out of the workforce at very high rates. Burnout, unpredictable schedules, and the varying levels of care required are some of the reasons. Yet we know that 60% of parents don’t disclose the fact that they have a neurodivergent child to their employer.
Knowing how to support parents caring for neurodivergent children is imperative. These parents do face extra challenges but they are also likely to develop very valuable skills from their experiences in an atypical parenting situation, such as resilience, negotiation, time management and flexibility.
Here Are Five Strategies to Support Your Employees Who Are Caring for a Neurodivergent Child
Support them with specialized resources: When a parent suspects or is told that their child may be neurodivergent, they face the very daunting and time-consuming task of understanding what to do, how to find the right specialists, and where to find support. And they must do all this while dealing with their own mental state. Offering dedicated resources at this time may be life-changing for a working parent. Parents of neurodivergent children need the right set of skills and tools so their whole family can thrive.
Support their mental health and wellbeing: Parents of neurodivergent children are 2.4 times more likely to have mental health issues than other parents. They suffer from high stress levels that contribute to depression, anxiety and other poor health outcomes. Easy access to mental health support services will help parents to take care of themselves in turn allowing them to take better care of their child.
Flexibility must be a policy not a perk: Be prepared to offer them some control over when and where they work. A meeting at 9 pm rather than at 4 pm may work better for them because the child is already in bed.
Train line managers: Line managers cannot be expected to know about everything. Training them so they have the tools to know how to accommodate and support parents of neurodivergent children is a must.
Create a truly inclusive workplace: Parents may not tell their employers about their situation because of fear of not being seen as completely invested in their jobs or fearing that their co-workers and managers will think that their children are ‘odd’ or ‘weird’. Actions such as creating a dedicated employee resource group, celebrating a ‘neurodiversity day or week’, or a ‘bring your family to work day’ will help to create an inclusive family-friendly working culture. No matter how families look like. Initiatives should be ongoing to increase engagement and awareness.
At REC Parenting we are committed to support the needs of parents of neurodivergent children. For any comments or queries, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us.
Ana
