“separation anxiety in a 2 year old. He can’t stand me even leaving the room without screaming“
Separation anxiety is children’s fear of being away from their parents of carers. It starts when your child understands that he is a separate person from you but he still does not understand that you still exists even when he cannot see you (this is called object permanence). You child gets anxious because he does not understand that you will come back. As a result, your child may cry, scream or cling to you when being separated from you. Separation anxiety is a normal part of children’s development. It means that you have formed a close bond with your child.
Separation anxiety usually starts around 6-7 months and reaches its peak at 14-18 months. Separation anxiety tends to decline when children reach preschool or school age. Some children may experience separation anxiety a bit longer than others, because every child develops at a different pace. If your child still experiences separation anxiety after the age of 3 or during the preschool years, it is worth discussing it with his doctor. Especially, if it interferes with his ability to go or stay at school. Also talk to his doctor if you think that his anxiety is too extreme.
Here are some tips to support your child:
- Always tell your child that you are leaving and when you will be coming back (e.g., “I will be back before bath time”). Do not sneak off without saying goodbye because it will only make his anxiety worse.
- Be quick saying goodbye and act confidently even if you are finding it tough. If your child senses your anxiety, he will become more anxious.
- Practice being away from him at home. Tell him: “I am going to have a shower, daddy is here with you”. Start with short separations and gradually increase the time apart as your child becomes comfortable with separation. This strategy will help him understand that you still ‘exist’ even when he cannot see you.
- Do not dismiss his emotions. Try not to say things like: “Oh you are such a mummy’s boy”, or “C’mon don’t be silly, I am just going round the corner”.
- If he has a comfort blanket or toy, give it to him before you go, so he can regulate himself easier.
- Consider that his separation anxiety can get worse when he is hungry, tired, or sick.
- Read picture books about it. “The Kissing Hand” by Audrey Penn is a good book to read to your son. In this book, a small raccoon is scared to be away from its mother until he realizes that she is always love him, no matter if they are together or apart. Another one you may find useful is ‘The Invisible String’ by Patrice Karst.
I hope you find this information useful. Do get in touch with me if you would like to discuss it in more detail.
I wish you and your child all the very best.
Love,
Ana
