“Do you have any ideas on how to help a depressed mother? My daughter in law is struggling with her mental health and I’m worried it’ll affect my grandkids too”
As you very well know, becoming a mother is the biggest transition a woman will ever experience, yet no one really prepares us for it. No wonder your daughter in law is struggling!
Here are some ideas for you to consider:
- Giver her a hand: you can offer to do some of the housework, take your grandchildren out for a few hours so your daughter-in-law can do something she enjoys or send her some food, so she does not need to cook.
- I don’t know how your relationship is, but you could suggest her to see a mental health professional specialized in maternal mental health. Do get in touch with me if this is something you would like to explore.
- Be open about depression: sometimes it is difficult to open up and share how we feel. Tell her that it is OK to feel whatever she is feeling, that you won’t judge her, and that you are ready to listen.
- Really listen: ask her questions and listen to what she has to say. Show her how good it can feel to open up.
- Sometimes a person who is experiencing depression may reject any help. It is understandable for you to feel frustrated but to remain calm and accept that there is only so much you can do.
- Keep in touch: just a text or a quick call will remind her that you are there for her.
- I don’t know the age of your grandchildren but make sure you are there for them and let them feel listened and loved.
- Talk to your son: discuss how best to support her.
I wish you all the very best.
Ana
Related articles:
How to Survive a Newborn? It Is So Hard!
I Am Depressed and Cannot Connect with my Child
“How can i be a better mother? I feel like I keep failing with my depression and feeling like I can’t fully connect with my child (aged 1.5 years)”
Your question makes me very sad. Please do not feel like you are failing as a mother. Your depression makes it harder for you. It does not make you a bad mother. The fact that you are here asking for support, means that you are trying to do the best you can for your child.
I would like to know if you have received a depression diagnosis and if so, if you are getting treated. Therapy and medication are usually the best course of action to treat depression.
If you think you are depressed but have not been diagnosed and are not being treated, please get in touch with me and we can arrange the support you need.
You are not the only new mother struggling with depression. It is estimated that around 1 in 5 pregnant and new mothers experience mental health issues, such as depression. One reason for this is that a woman’s brain is incredibly vulnerable when they become a mother, and this means we are more likely to develop mental health issues at this time. At the same time, the way we are raising kids these days: very lonely and intensive, does not support mothers’ mental health.
So, what else can you do to help manage your depression better? Other than therapy and medication, there are a few things that can help:
- Have a clear routine (e.g., having the same breakfast every day, going to bed at the same time every day…) gives structure to your days and reduces decision fatigue.
- Lower the bar: don’t strive for perfection. Only for good enough. You need to be a good enough mother. The perfect mother does not exist.
- Stay social: you may not feel like seeing friends or family but it is important for you and for your child to keep seeing people. Remember that we are inherently social animals and interacting with others is a source of happiness.
- Get outside: there is a lot of research showing how nature is good for our mental health. Try to spend time outdoors every single day. Sit in the sunlight or open a window for fresh air.
- Exercise everyday: you do not have to do high intensity training if you do not feel like it but simply going for a walk, will help you.
- Eat a healthy diet.
- Help others: there is plenty of research showing that helping others, make us feel better.
- Get help from others: If you have a friends or family around you, it is a good idea to tell them about what you are going through and ask them to help with your son on days that you are feeling particularly low.
I hope this information helps. Please do not go through this alone. If you need more support, get in touch with me and we will sort it out straight away. Remember it is very important you take care of yourself to be able to take care of your baby. I wish you the very best.
Love,
Ana
Related articles:
Tips on Parenting with Depression?
How Does Parental Mental Health Affect a Child?
Matrescence: Are We Finally Understanding Motherhood?
“Do you have any tips on parenting with depression? My son’s 6 now, so it’s not PPD, and I haven’t had mental health issues before. But I’m struggling with the term “depressed mom” being thrown around and would like to know how be a good mom when depressed.”
I am sorry to hear you are going through a depression. I would strongly urge you to get treatment. There are a lot of interventions that work for mothers with depression. They usually include therapy and medication. Joining a support group may also help you. Getting treatment will help you and it will also help your son. At REC Parenting we have qualified therapists specialized in treating parents with depression, get in touch with me if you want to explore this option.
Here are other things that may help you during this time:
- Keep a daily routine: having a routine (e.g., having the same breakfast every day, going to bed at the same time every day…) gives structure and reduces decision fatigue.
- Lower the bar: your home does not need to be perfect. You are not failing if your house is not picture perfect.
- Stay social: you may not feel like seeing friends or family but it is important for you and for your son to keep seeing people. Remember that we are inherently social animals and interacting with others is a source of happiness.
- Get outside: there is a lot of research showing how nature is good for our mental health. Try to spend time outdoors every single day. Sit in sunlight or open a window for fresh air.
- Exercise everyday: you do not have to do high intensity training if you do not feel like it but simply going for a walk, will help you.
- Eat a healthy diet.
- Help others: there is plenty of research showing that helping others, make us feel better.
- Get help from others: If you have a friends or family around you, it is a good idea to tell them about what you are going through and ask them to help with your son on days that you are feeling particularly low.
- Have a chat with your son about what you are going through, so he understands it. Children sense when something is off. An explanation will help him to feel safe and in control. You could share that you are not feeling well, and that you have a condition that makes you feel tired and sad. Tell him that this is not his fault and that it is just how your brain is working right now.
Here a few articles that you may find useful:
How Does Parental Mental Health Affect a Child?
Matrescence: Are We Finally Understanding Motherhood?
You are already doing more than you realize. Being here, asking for help even when you are struggling, shows real strength and love for your child. Remember that we are here to help with our qualified therapists, just get in touch with me and we will find you support straight away.
Love,
Ana
