“What is a narcissistic parent? Growing up, I used to just think mine were strict and selfish, but now that I’m a mom, I worry that they were narcissistic parents and that it might transfer to my parenting style“.
When we talk about narcissism we need to differentiate between two concepts. One is people who have narcissistic traits. These people tend to be selfish, cold, entitled and have feelings of grandiosity.
The second concept is people who are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. This is a mental health condition where people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. It is estimated that around 1% to 2% of the U.S. population has narcissistic personality disorder.
These are the main characteristics:
- They need and seek too much attention
- They want people to admire them.
- They may not have the ability to care or understand the feelings of others
- They are self-absorbed.
- They may exploit others to their own advantage
- They may have self-esteem issues
- They are easily upset by the slightest criticism
Some people may have narcissistic traits but not a personality disorder.
Parental narcissism is not something that has been examined a lot. There are a few studies that have examined how narcissistic parents influence their children’s development. They found that narcissistic parents usually don’t make “great parents” mostly because they lack empathy to understand their children. They tend to be very controlling, and their children tend to do as they are told to make their parents happy and avoid conflict. Children of narcissistic parents have more chances of experiencing depression and anxiety.
You may recognize some of these characteristics in your parents. However, you will probably never know if your parents were narcissistic or not, and you know what? I wouldn’t worry too much. The fact that you are here asking this question, shows that you want to be the best parent for your child, and that you are a caring and empathetic parent. This is what your children needs. Also, consider that having difficult or narcissistic parents doesn’t dictate the type of parent that you are or that you will be. With self-awareness and some internal work, you can be the parent you want to be. Finally, remember that the perfect parent does not exist!
I hope this helps. If you want to have a session to discuss your worries privately, do get in touch with me. We are here to help!
Love,
Ana
