Why my Toddler Says No to Everything?

“Please can you advise on why my toddler says no to everything? My mother-in-law said it’s a “normal toddler no phase” but I’m getting so fed up!” 

I am afraid that on this occasion your mother-in-law is right! It is totally normal (and even good) for your toddler to be saying ‘no’ to everything. Your child is saying ‘no’ to everything because he is becoming his own person, with his own opinions and thoughts. He is learning that he is not an extension of you. Your toddler has found out that he has a will, and he is using it.  

Having said this, I understand your frustration. Here are some tips you may find useful: 

• Offer him some choices: in the same way that they say ‘no’ to us, we also say ‘no’ to our toddlers all the time. So, when possible and within reason: let them choose (e.g., “Do you want a banana or an apple?”; “Do you want the red or the blue pyjamas?”). This strategy can save you a few ‘nos’.  

• I know it is difficult, but try not to give him a big reaction when he says ‘no’.  

• Let him help you: toddlers usually love to help their parents. Let him help at the supermarket, cleaning or cooking (and yes, you will need patience to do this as well).  

• Try to distract him and to make him laugh when he says ‘no’. This usually works really well and saves you from having another power struggle.  

• Remember that this phase will finish. It won’t last forever! 

You may find these articles useful: 

I Think I Have a Defiant 3-Year-Old 

Tips on Toddler Aggression: When to Worry? 

I hope this information helps. I wish your family all the very best. 

Love, 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar