Category: Q&As

Why Is my 3 Year-Old So Aggressive?

Published : Aug 13, 2025
By Dr. Ana Aznar

Why is my 3 year old so angry and aggressive? I did just get divorced from her mother, but I feel like this is very out of the ordinary for little girls.” 

3 year old aggressive

It is not uncommon for toddlers (or children of any age) to change their behaviour when they go through a big change in their life, such as their parents’ divorce. Your 3-year-old may be finding it difficult and because she lacks the ability to verbally express her feelings, she might be expressing them through her aggressiveness.  

Whenever she behaves in an aggressive way, gently tell her: “No, you cannot hit/scream/bite”. Tell her every time she behaves that way and with time she will likely change her behaviour. It is really important to be consistent and always tell her this when she behaves in an aggressive manner. Ideally your ex-partner should use this same technique.  

It is also likely that as your toddler gets better at speaking, she will no longer have the need to behave aggressively. Sometimes, toddlers behave aggressively because they get frustrated when they cannot convey their feelings and thoughts to us.  

Finally, consider that children learn mostly by observing how their parents behave. So, it is important that you and your ex-partner do not behave in an aggressive or angry way. Try to be a good role model for her.  

I hope this information is useful and wish you all the very best. If you need some support through the divorce, please do not hesitate to get in touch with me.  

You may also find these articles useful:  

Should We Divorce or Stay Together for the Kids? 

How to Explain Divorce to a Child? 

Fostering Emotional Competence in Children: A Guide for Parents 

Tips on Toddler Aggression: When to Worry? 

I hope this information helps. I wish you and your family all the very best,  

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

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Comments
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2025-08-14 06:36:50
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Cristo
2025-07-29 12:20:59
Amazing, thank you so much for this blog.
Pia Satrustegui
2025-04-25 07:23:36
Hola Ana,
Qué fantástico artículo y que buenos consejos. Ha sido de una gran ayuda. Un abrazo muy fuerte
Dr. Ana Aznar
2025-03-31 19:41:20
Qué ilusión tu mensaje, Pia! Gracias a tí por leernos.
Pia Satrustegui
2025-03-28 10:13:56
Querida Ana,
Maravilloso artículo sobre la serie Adolescentes y consejos de gran ayuda en una etapa tan complicada de nuestros hijos , tan desprotegidos frente a las nuevas tecnologías.Es una ayuda tremenda para nosotros. Muchas gracias
Armani
2025-03-06 09:31:35
This is ethically wrong and I don't think it's worth the damage it will ultimately cause to the relationship. And the issues it will cause for the one being spied on. Just don't do it.
Meghan
2025-02-07 21:26:19
Is there a printable version of the article? I am a school based mental health professional and would like to share it with parents.
J
2025-02-03 10:52:04
This is such a great writeup. I think too often we get caught in a rutt of trying to categorise everything. Our daily lives are kind of dictated by categories and labels, certainly in a digital world.

I'd imagine this is quite deteremental for a childs development in the long run as nothing stays the same forever, and we shouldn't really be making these categorisations, especially towards our children.

Just live life, sometimes you'll have to be the parent that's the shoulder to cry on. The week after you may have to raise your voice a little when everyone is in a rush and you're trying to get your children's shoes on.

Just balance it all out, don't be too self critical and pick up on what your child wants and needs.

Again, great writeup!
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-13 12:51:46
Dear Robert,
Thank you so much for your comment. I totally get what you mean. It is always difficult to have kids living with you, wanting to support them and their parents but at the same time not wanting to step in anyone's toes. If there's anything we can do to support you and your family, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us.

Ana
Robert Eisenbart
2024-09-10 00:43:07
Great Article! I'm a retired FNP. Years ago I taught a STEP program to parents via family court cases. I now have a daughter and her man disciplining three children 4, 8, and 10. The 10 year old has ADHD and my personal diagnosis is she's also Oppositional/Defiant. I believe the OD came from harsh discipline. All they seem to do is punish and threaten physical punishment. They say positive reinforcement didn't work however they tried it for about 2 months and then went back to punishment. I can't reason with them as "they are the parents"!! is all I hear. They all live with me and have since the oldest was about 2. Sadly I can see the other 2 developing issues like anxiety and aggression as well. Trying to show them another side of adult supervision when I have them but frustrating.
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-02 20:48:07
Really glad you found it useful! Thank you for being here and for your comment.

Ana
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-05-17 09:55:58
Hi Donna,
sO great to have you here! Totally agree that Zara is great! What other topics would you like us to discuss?
Ana
Donna
2024-05-17 09:49:36
Love Zara’s ways of teaching for both parents & kids! Also so helpful. We want more!! (Please!) :D
Ana Aznar
2024-05-08 07:24:31
We are glad you found the content useful! Many thanks for being here.
Ana
Cristoj
2024-04-09 18:20:19
Great article!!!
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