Tips for a First Time Father?

“my girlfriend is pregnant but i don’t know if I’m prepared, what are some tips that you have for a first time father?” 

Having your first child can feel terrifying. After all, it is like jumping into a pool without knowing if the water is going to be very cold, very hot, with a strong current, calm, deep or shallow…. We basically jumpand hope for the best.  

Having said this, here are a few ideas for you to reflect about:  

• Knowledge is power. I don’t know if you are familiar with kids or not, but learning about child development and parenting will make you feel better equipped. The REC Parenting website is full of information and useful tools.  

• Parenting, like everything in life is a skill. The more you practice it, the better you will become at it. There is no manual of how to be the perfect parent, we all learn as we go along.  

• You won’t enjoy every single moment of being a father and it is OK. You may hate changing nappies, going to the park, or the endless nights. It is OK, not loving every single moment of it does not make you a bad person, weird, or a bad father. I promise you that most people feel that way even if they don’t say it aloud. Whatever you feel is totally fine.  

• Don’t try to be the perfect father. The perfect father does not exist. Focus on having a close relationship with your child. Children need love and limits.  

• Be prepared for your relationship with your girlfriend to change: Even the most solid relationships often struggle with the seismic shift that comes with introducing a baby into the family. Keep communicating with one another. Talk, talk, talk to each other so you both understand how you feel.  

• Think about the mental load. The mental load is all the things that we need to do to keep our family and the house going. The mental load increases massively when we have a child, and it usually falls on the woman. Discuss how you are going to share it fairly.  

• Becoming a parent means making many decisions. From sleeping arrangements, to whether you are going to breastfeed or not, how you will organize work and taking care of the baby, what kind of education you will choose…. the more in alignment you both are, the easier it will be.  

I hope this information helps. I will leave you some more resources you may find useful and do not hesitate to get in touch if you want to discuss it further. I wish you all the very best.  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

Related articles: 

Staying Connected as a Couple When You Become Parents   

Parenting Advice: Advice for New Parents 

Parenting Experts: How to Decide Who to Trust