How to Stop Kids Lying and Stealing?

“How to stop lying and stealing in little kids” 

It can be worrying the first time your child lies to you. You can even feel betrayed. But the reality is that all children lie. Lie telling is a normal part of development. It is not a sign that your child lacks morals.  

Children lie because we also lie, so we shouldn’t treat them as if they have done something horrible if they lie. The truth is we give our children very mixed messages about lying. We tell them not to lie but they see as lying: “I cannot make it to dinner because I am not feeling great” when they see you are perfectly well. Or we tell them to tell their grandma that they love her present even if they hate it.  

Children lie for all the same reasons than adults lie. When they are little, they lie to avoid getting into trouble. As they grow, they also lie to appear cooler or smarter to fit in with their peers. They also give white lies to protect others.  

What to do when you catch your child lying?  

• Do not overreact. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Remain calm no matter what the lie is about.  

•  Asking children to tell you the truth is the best way for them to do so. 

• It is important to understand why your child is lying. It is very different if your child is lying about not eating his lunch because another kid is taking it than if he is throwing it away. Try to get to the bottom of why he is lying. 

What not to do when you get your child lying? 

• Evidence shows that punishing them when they lie does not work if we want them not to lie again. 

• When you catch your child lying, deal with it, don’t test them. So, if you walk in the room and there is nail polish all over the floor and your child is there, don’t ask her: “Did you spill it?” . Don’t ask them a question you already know the answer to. If you know they haven’t showered, don’t ask them: “Have you showered?”, instead ask them: “I notice you haven’t showered yet, what are your plans?”. 

Stealing is a different story. Children don’t understand the concept of ownership until they are around two years old. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry advises that ages three to five is an important time for parents to teach children about honesty and property.  

The best way to do it is by modelling good behaviour, because children mostly learn by observing what we do. So, if you don’t want them to steal don’t make jokes about the extra pint of milk that you didn’t pay for at the supermarket or the “free” stationary you brought home from work. 

The same as with lying, it is important to understand why your child steals. Some children do it because they are bored and want to feel excited. Others do it because they cannot control themselves. Some do it because they don’t think anyone will mind them taking something not important, like a few cookies or a lollipop. Children may also steal to get attention from parents or peers or as a way of coping.  

If you catch your child stealing: 

• Do not overreact 

• Understand why they did it  

• Tell them stealing is wrong and take away whatever they stole (if possible) 

• Set clear consequences: taking it back to the shop, apologizing to the person, doing chores… 

• Monitor their behaviour 

• Seek professional support if the stealing persists  

I hope this information is useful. If you want to more support, please get in touch with me.  

Love, 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar