How Should I Cut Ties with a Toxic Daughter?
“How should I go about cutting ties with a toxic daughter? She’s 30 and horrible to me—I really need to prioritize my mental health and don’t want to let myself get hurt even more.”
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Your message makes me very sad.
This type of problems usually appears because there are not clear boundaries between you and your daughter. I strongly recommend you seek the support of a therapist. The therapist will help you define what your boundaries are, communicate them to your daughter, and be prepared to enforce consequences if your boundaries are crossed. He will also give you the tools to manage your emotions and thoughts.
The reason why I think it is so important that you work with a therapist is that your situation is rare. A recent survey by charity Stand Alone shows that only 5% of estranged parents had initiated it themselves. It is so rare, partly because our society expects parents to unconditionally love their children and to accept any kind of treatment, So, because the situation you are facing is rare, it can make it especially isolating, which is not good for your mental health. You need a space to discuss your situation that is compassionate and non-judgemental.
Parents usually cut off relationships with their children for the same reasons that children cut off their parents: family conflict, differences in personal values, substance abuse, and other difficult behaviours. Research conducted by Stand Alone shows that with daughters, the most common reasons for cutting ties are mental health problems and emotional abuses, whereas divorce and in-laws are the most common reasons in the case of boys.
Estrangement is not always permanent. Mothers and daughters especially, are more likely to go through phases of estrangement and reunification. Also, consider that if you cut ties with your daughter, there will be moments, such as the holidays and birthdays, when you will most likely find it tougher.
I would be very happy to help you find a therapist. Just get in touch with me.
I wish you all the very best.
Love,
Ana
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Qué fantástico artículo y que buenos consejos. Ha sido de una gran ayuda. Un abrazo muy fuerte
Maravilloso artículo sobre la serie Adolescentes y consejos de gran ayuda en una etapa tan complicada de nuestros hijos , tan desprotegidos frente a las nuevas tecnologías.Es una ayuda tremenda para nosotros. Muchas gracias
I'd imagine this is quite deteremental for a childs development in the long run as nothing stays the same forever, and we shouldn't really be making these categorisations, especially towards our children.
Just live life, sometimes you'll have to be the parent that's the shoulder to cry on. The week after you may have to raise your voice a little when everyone is in a rush and you're trying to get your children's shoes on.
Just balance it all out, don't be too self critical and pick up on what your child wants and needs.
Again, great writeup!
Thank you so much for your comment. I totally get what you mean. It is always difficult to have kids living with you, wanting to support them and their parents but at the same time not wanting to step in anyone's toes. If there's anything we can do to support you and your family, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us.
Ana
Ana
sO great to have you here! Totally agree that Zara is great! What other topics would you like us to discuss?
Ana
Ana
