How Can We Stop Bullying?

“How can we stop bullying in schools as parents? I’m so sick of my kid coming home crying and the school ain’t doing a thing about the bullies”

Bullying is something that parents and schools should take seriously, and I understand your frustration if the school is not helping. 

You need to talk to the school and tell them that nothing they are doing is working. If you have already talked to your child’s teachers, talk to the headteacher. Take to the meeting a written record of all bullying incidents. Record the dates and names of children involved, and where it happened. Approach the meeting with a collaborative spirit and not in a confrontational way. You need to work with the school to stop the bullying.

Ask for specific measures they will take and set up a follow up meeting to discuss progress. Give the school reasonable tome to investigate and implement measures. Keep notes from your meetings. Be persistent. If the bullying continues or gets worse and the school cannot stop it, you may want to talk to a lawyer. You should involve the police if your child has been physical assaulted or if they are threatening him. 

Bullying happens in every school but with a good bullying prevention program, it can be reduced. If your school does not have an official anti-bullying policies or prevention programs, you should push for them to develop them. 

Here are a few things you could do at home to support your child at home:

• Explain what bullying is and focus on behaviour rather than labelling other children (“They are mean”) or your child (“You are weak”).

• Make it very clear that it is not their fault in any way. 

• Reassure your child that action can be taken.

• Encourage them to be assertive. This doesn’t mean that they must be aggressive but calm and firm about their feelings. Practice role play at home so that when they face the bully, they have the tools to respond to them.  

• NEVER tell your child to sort it out by hitting the bully back. It rarely works and it can get your child into deeper trouble. 

• Explore ways to extend their friendship groups, for example by joining new clubs.

• Encourage activities that encourage self-esteem such as drama or sports.

• Explore ways with them to approach the school even if they don’t want to. You can maybe propose that you talk together with their favourite teacher. 

• Be mindful of his electronic devices. Bullying can continue while he is at home through messages and emails. 

• DO NOT dismiss it as banter. If your child comes to you because they are being hurt or threatened, try not to say things like “Oh toughen up, it is just a bit of banter” or “Don’t be overdramatic, that has always happened and here we are”. Bullying can have dramatic consequences especially when the victim thinks there is no way out. 

• Keep a bullying diary in case you need it in the future. This is important in case the school dismisses the bullying claims or in case you need to get the police involved. 

I hope this helps. I wish you and your child all the very best. No child deserves to be bullied. 

Love, 

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

Related articles:

Everything You Need to Know About Bullying

How to Promote Social Skills and Discuss Sex

Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents