Help! My 4-Month-Old Baby Is Going Through a Sleep Regression
“I think we’re going through a 4 month sleep regression. What do we do? Really battling with parenthood atm.”
I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. If it is any consolation, you are not the only one struggling with sleep. Sleep is probably the topic that I get most questions about when I deliver corporate talks and in my 1-2-1 sessions with parents.
The truth is that we are all prepared for our newborn to wake up constantly but by month 4, we expect the baby to sleep for at least a few hours in a row, right?? I am afraid this is not the case.
It is normal for babies to wake up through the night. How many times is normal? There is research showing that 3 months old babies wake up 3 times, at 6 months they wake up 3.5 times, at 9 months 4.7 times, and at 12 months they wake 2.6 times. Adults also wake up several times a night, but the difference is that we usually manage to go back to sleep on our own, whereas your baby needs you to help him.
You mention that your baby is sleeping worse than before, and again this is very common. Babies’ sleep patterns usually change anytime between three and six months because their circadian rhythm starts maturing. So, most likely what is happening is that your baby is moving out of their newborn sleep cycle and starting to develop their own unique cycle. If it is any consolation, think of it as a progression rather than as a regression.
Things you can do:
- During the day, the baby should not sleep in the dark and the level of noise should be the ‘normal’ at your household.
- During the night, keep stimulation to a minimum. Try to limit household noise at bedtime. If you live in a noisy environment keep the windows closed and consider using noise-blocking curtains.
- Have a bedtime routine to mark the difference between day and night. This routine should be the same every day. An effective routine could look like: Having a bath, perhaps with some soothing scents like lavender or chamomile, followed by a massage. The bath warms up the body so that the blood vessels near the surface of the skin dilate to help the body cool down, and this cooling helps your baby feel sleepy. After the bath, change your baby into a clean nappy and pyjamas, feed him, and sing a lullaby or read them a story. Try to put them in their cot when they are drowsy but still awake, kiss them and say goodnight, allowing them to fall asleep on their own. Make sure the bedroom is cool, dark, and quiet. Between 16 and 20 degrees Celsius is ideal, and too cool is better than too hot. Everyone has a slightly different temperature preference so you may need to make adjustments to find your baby’s ideal temperature. Feeling your baby’s chest or back when they are asleep should give you a good indication. They should feel warm but not clammy.
- Consider your routine: Most baby books tell you that the gold standard of sleep is 7 pm to 7 am but there is no evidence to support this idea. If you think that putting your baby to sleep a couple of hours later will suit your family’s needs better, do it.
- Think that the same that happens to us, some babies are better sleepers than others.
- If you have a partner, take turns to take care of the baby, so at least you get some uninterrupted sleep a few days a week. If this is not the case, maybe a family member or a good friend, would be willing to give you a hand. Remember to ask for help. Do not struggle in silence.
Two important issues that you should remember:
- If you are considering sleep training, remember that you shouldn’t do it before your baby is at least 6 months. His brain is not ready for it before this age.
- Beware of sleep ‘consultants’ or ‘experts’. The sleep field is totally unregulated in most countries. Anyone can call themselves a ‘sleep consultant’ and start working with families tomorrow. If you are considering hiring someone, check their credential, their expertise, and ask for references. We have our REC Parenting qualified sleep consultants if this is something you would like to explore.
I hope this information is useful. I know that even if I say that it is normal for babies to wake up, you are still going through a bloody tough time. I totally hear you, the endless nights, the constant crying and the sheer exhaustion you have, are horrendous. But I promise you that it will pass. All children will eventually sleep through the night. And remember that you are doing it the best you can. If you want some 1-2-1 support, please get in touch with me.
You may find these articles helpful:
4-Month Sleep Regression in Babies: Facts, Tips, and Tricks
The Cry It Out Method: What You Need to Know
Matrescence: Are We Finally Understanding Motherhood?
All my love,
Ana
