I Am Depressed and Cannot Connect with my Child

“How can i be a better mother? I feel like I keep failing with my depression and feeling like I can’t fully connect with my child (aged 1.5 years)”

Your question makes me very sad. Please do not feel like you are failing as a mother. Your depression makes it harder for you. It does not make you a bad mother. The fact that you are here asking for support, means that you are trying to do the best you can for your child. 

I would like to know if you have received a depression diagnosis and if so, if you are getting treated. Therapy and medication are usually the best course of action to treat depression. 

If you think you are depressed but have not been diagnosed and are not being treated, please get in touch with me and we can arrange the support you need. 

You are not the only new mother struggling with depression. It is estimated that around 1 in 5 pregnant and new mothers experience mental health issues, such as depression. One reason for this is that a woman’s brain is incredibly vulnerable when they become a mother, and this means we are more likely to develop mental health issues at this time. At the same time, the way we are raising kids these days: very lonely and intensive, does not support mothers’ mental health. 

So, what else can you do to help manage your depression better? Other than therapy and medication, there are a few things that can help:

•  Have a clear routine (e.g.,  having the same breakfast every day, going to bed at the same time every day…) gives structure to your days and reduces decision fatigue. 

• Lower the bar: don’t strive for perfection. Only for good enough. You need to be a good enough mother. The perfect mother does not exist.  

• Stay social: you may not feel like seeing friends or family but it is important for you and for your child to keep seeing people. Remember that we are inherently social animals and interacting with others is a source of happiness. 

• Get outside: there is a lot of research showing how nature is good for our mental health. Try to spend time outdoors every single day. Sit in the sunlight or open a window for fresh air. 

• Exercise everyday: you do not have to do high intensity training if you do not feel like it but simply going for a walk, will help you. 

• Eat a healthy diet.

• Help others: there is plenty of research showing that helping others, make us feel better. 

• Get help from others: If you have a friends or family around you, it is a good idea to tell them about what you are going through and ask them to help with your son on days that you are feeling particularly low.

I hope this information helps. Please do not go through this alone. If you need more support, get in touch with me and we will sort it out straight away. Remember it is very important you take care of yourself to be able to take care of your baby.  I wish you the very best. 

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

Related articles: 

Tips on Parenting with Depression?

How Does Parental Mental Health Affect a Child?

Matrescence: Are We Finally Understanding Motherhood?