“Is Halloween safe for children? My pastor and my mother both have been telling me that I shouldn’t let my twins dress up and go out, because it’s the devil’s night and dangerous anyway because people might try to kidnap my kids on Halloween, but it’s the twins’ first Halloween that they’re old enough to kinda enjoy (almost 2 y/o girls) but I don’t want to anger my mom or the congregation as they already judge me as a teen mom. I guess I’m just worried also because I haven’t had experience with a Halloween fun time as I was never allowed to growing up (I’m 17 now )but i want the girls to enjoy holidays and be normal as much as possible so i don’t mess them up even though I’m a young mom”
Thank you very much for reaching out. It must be tough for you being 17 and raising twins. I hope you are doing OK.
There are two issues at play here. One is whether Halloween is dangerous, and the other one is whether it goes against your beliefs. Let’s start with the first one.
Halloween does pose some risks for children. The most important one is cars: children are more than twice as likely to get hit by a car while trick-or-treating than on any other night of the year. Your twins are very little, so I imagine they still go out and about in a pushchair. Help drivers see you by carrying glow sticks or flashlights or wear light colours to help drivers see you. Other than the risk of cars, with your two-year-olds you should keep an eye on what they have in their mouths (e.g., hard sweets, jellybeans…) to avoid them choking. Finally, look for costumes which ‘flame resistant’ on the costume labels. As you see, there are some issues to consider when planning Halloween, but millions of children go trick or treating every year, and they manage to stay safe and have a great time. As a mum, it is important you consider the risk that different situations or activities they may entail but it is also important not to let fear control your decisions.
The second issue you mention is whether Halloween goes against your beliefs and the beliefs of your mum and your community. Is it right or wrong for children to celebrate Halloween? There is not a right or wrong answer. It entirely depends on your values. If Halloween is something you want your kids to experience, go for it. If on the contrary, it goes against your values, it is totally fine as well. You will see that with many parenting decisions, there are no right or wrong answers, it depends on your values and beliefs. Listen to what your mum and your pastor have to say and then decide what you want for your children based on your own values.
Being a young mum must be very tough, and it is wonderful you are supported by your mum, your pastor and your community but don’t let them judge you. Sending this email, you are clearly showing that you care about your twins, and you are trying you best. Love your children, set them limits, and raise them following your own beliefs and values. I wish you all the very best and if have more questions or doubts, please do reach out.
Sending you tons of love,
Ana
Related articles:
Developmental Milestones at 2 Years Old
What Should a 2-Year-Old Know?
Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents
“How to convince your parents to butt out of your parenting life cuz I’m a teen mom living on my own but my parents won’t stop trying to insert themselves into our lives.”
It is understandable that you want your independence and at the same time you need to try to understand that your parents want to help you and your baby because they love you. All teenagers distance themselves from their parents, and many parents find this process difficult. The fact that you are going through this process while having a baby of your own may be making it more difficult for your parents.
So, what can you do?
- If you tell your parents that they are inserting themselves into your life, they may not understand what you mean. It is always better to give them concrete examples. Why don’t you write a list of the things you find intrusive? For example, I think that you are intruding when…:
“You come to my place announced”,
“You give me unsolicited parenting advice’, or
“You tell me that my way of doing things is not right”.
- Once you have this list, tell them in a nice way how you feel. It may be something like: “Mum and Dad, I really love you and I know that you are trying to help but I need some space to find my feet as a mum. I find it too intrusive when you do…, could you please try to stop doing it?”. See how they react, you may not want to go through the whole list at once. It may be better to tell them in small doses.
- Whenever they give you unsolicited parenting advice, try saying things like: “I appreciate you want to help but I think I am going to try it my way first” or ““I know that you have more experience than I do but I need to figure things out by myself”.
- If you and your parents are up to it, having a session with a family therapist, may help you deal with these issues and find ways to solve them. Do get in touch with me if this sounds like a good idea.
You may find this article helpful: How to Deal with Unsolicited Parenting Advice
I wish you and your family all the very best.
Love,
Ana
