“Help! My 3 year old is out of control. Throws a fit at everything, angry, upset, uncontrollable”
At the age of 3, it is very difficult for your child to control their emotions. And at this age when they are happy, they are VERY happy and when they are angry, they are VERY angry. At this same time, children become more independent. Most of them can now walk around and with this newly gained physical independence, they want to be allowed to DO things. And when you tell them ‘NO’ the frustration begins. And because they cannot control that frustration and they don’t have the ability to tell you how they are feeling, the tantrum begins!
Tantrums happen because of hunger, tiredness, illness and frustration. Therefore, prevention is the best way to avoid them.
Some useful tips are:
- Establish a consistent routine so the child knows when it is time to go to bed, have a bath, eat, and play.
- Take snacks with you when you are out and about to avoid your child getting hungry.
- If possible, avoid ‘boring’ activities like going to the supermarket or to the post office around nap time or lunch time when your child is more likely to be cranky.
- Have toys at the ready so you can distract your child if he starts getting frustrated.
If you do not manage to prevent them, there is not much you can do once the tantrum starts. The best thing to do is to wait it out. Make sure your child is safe (they sometimes bang their heads against the wall or the floor), stay close but don’t do anything. Once they finish, wipe their tears and redirect their attention to another activity.
The acronym R.I.D.D. can help you handle tantrums (easier said than done, we know):
- Remain calm
- Ignore the tantrum
- Distract the child as soon as it is over
- Do make sure your child is safe but don’t give in to demands.
Do not give in. If you give into the tantrum, you are reinforcing the behaviour and your child will know that if he throws a tantrum, he will get what he wants. We know it may be painful to watch, but the best thing for your child is for you to wait until he is done.
Finally, remember that children learn more from what we do than from what we say. Be a good role model for your child and manage your emotions in a calm way.
You may find these articles useful:
Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents
I wish you both all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“When do child tantrums stop? My 3 year old meltdowns over everything, and I’m nearly ripping my hair out about it, it’s literally so, so frequent every day”
Tantrums usually peak between ages 1 and 4, especially around age 2-3. Most children have fewer and milder tantrums by around age 4 or 5, as their emotional regulation, language, and impulse control improve. However, some children still have occasional tantrums up to age 6 or 7, especially when they are overwhelmed, hungry, or tired.
Some children have a lot of tantrums while others barely have any. This depends a lot on their temperament and to some extent on how you handle the tantrums.
Here are some tips that may help you:
- Do not give in: if every time your child throws a tantrum, you give what he wants, he will repeat the behaviour. Stay calm and wait for the tantrum to end.
- Keep a consistent routine: children feel more in control when they know their limits and what is coming next.
- Be proactive: try to avoid getting in situations where he may throw a tantrum. For example, don’t take him to run errands just before his nap time or when he is hungry. Or distract him, whenever you see that he is getting cranky.
- Don’t take it personally: your child throws tantrums because it is the only way he knows how to manage his emotions and to express himself. He is not doing it to annoy you. I know it is difficult to keep calm, especially if he is throwing them so often, but keep in mind that he will stop throwing tantrums. This phase will not last forever.
Here are a few articles that may help you:
How to Discipline a 3 Year-Old
Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: a Guide for Parents
Love,
Ana
