“I need some psychologist-approved ways to discipline a child without physical harm. I’ve been having the same argument with my father over my son’s discipline for years, because he doesn’t know how to discipline a child without yelling or hitting and sometimes punishes my son like that. He doesn’t believe me when I cite internet articles, even from good sources, and says to get a doctor’s opinion and maybe he’ll consider it. So, do you have any suggestions please? Thank you!”
Let’s see if we can convince your father!
There are very few things that we can say that are always bad for children: physical punishment is one. There are hundreds of studies examining the effects of physical punishment on children, not one of them says that it is good for them. Most studies find that physical punishment is bad, a few have found that it is not bad, but none have found that it is good. So, why use physical punishment, if we know that it is at best ineffective and at worst, bad? Physical punishment is linked with children being more aggressive, having more mental health problems, and behaving worse. And when we talk about physical punishment, we include smacking. Yes, smacking is bad for children. And the more we smack our children, the worse the consequences for them.
Yelling is not ideal either, but research on this topic is more nuanced. There is no evidence showing that the occasional yelling that happens in most families (e.g., “Put your shoes on now!!”) harms children. With this, I am not saying that it is great to yell at our kids, but that if we occasionally yell, we are not ruining our kids. However, if yelling is a constant in your family, it is a good idea to seek support, because it is probably creating stress for the whole family. It is also a good idea to seek support if rather than yelling, what is happening is verbal abuse (e.g., “You are worthless!”; “You can’t do anything right!”). Verbal abuse is always bad for children.
Many parents and grandparents use physical punishment because there do not know other ways to discipline their children. In this article we give you ideas to discipline your child using other techniques.
These articles may also help to convince your father:
Is Smacking your Child Ever OK?
Let’s Be Honest: Who Doesn’t Ever Yell at their Kids?
Authoritarian Parenting: What Is It About?
I hope this information will convince your father. Do let me know if there is anything else you need. I wish you all the very best.
Love,
Ana
