Many parents struggle with their mental health. This is very concerning because their children may have more difficulties growing up. Let me tell you why.
How Does Parents’ Mental Health Affect their Child?
When parents struggle with their mental health, they are less able to take care of their children, they pay less attention to their children’s needs, and the quality of the family’s life gets worse. Parents may be harsher with their children or may be distant from them.
Children who grow up with parents who struggle with their mental health, experience more stress. Growing up with a lot of stress is not good for children. These children are more likely to have worse mental health and to face difficulties growing up. They may grow up feeling insecure and experience distress.
However, it is important to note that the experiences of growing up with a parent who has mental health issues are very different. It is not the same for a child to grow up with a parent that is often hospitalized because they experience severe mental health issues, than growing up with a parent that has one episode of a mental health issue during their life.
Mothers’ Mental Health Matters from Pregnancy
Mothers’ mental health influence their child even before the child is born. When women have very high levels of stress (1) during pregnancy, their babies are more active in utero. When they are born, they are more likely to be hyperactive and irritable, and to have feeding and sleeping issues.
Sadly, 1 in 5 pregnant women or new mums develop a mental health issue. Why? Because during this period, women go through a tremendous change. Everything changes: their body, their identity, their relationship with their partner…Basically, everything.
Depression Is the Most Common Mental Health Issue for Mothers
Women may develop many mental health issues: anxiety, PTSD, mood disorders…. But the most common one is postpartum depression. It is estimated that 1 in 10 women develop postpartum depression.
When a mother is depressed, she is less responsive towards her baby. She talks less, smiles less, and is more detached from her baby. Consequently, her baby becomes less responsive and more apathetic (2). And this is bad for the baby’s development. Babies needs to be stimulated to develop fully. When a mother is depressed, she finds it difficult to stimulate her baby.
Babies of depressed mothers also interact in this way with adults that are not depressed. And because these babies are more apathetic, the adults around them tend to respond to them, in a less positive way.
Depressed mothers (3) are more likely to:
- Not engage with their babies.
- Have more difficulties interpreting their baby’s emotions.
- Find parenting more difficult.
- Experience hostility and resentment toward the baby.
- Neglect or abuse their babies.
As a consequence, their babies are more likely to:
- Experience growth and developmental delays.
- Develop an insecure attachment.
- Experience poor cognitive functioning.
- Suffer affective disorders later in life.
- Develop behavioural problems.
Fathers’ Mental Health Also Matters
Fathers’ mental health (4) and how it affects their children is a relatively new area of research because until quite recently fathers were not as involved in their children’s life. We now know that fathers’ mental health also matters. When fathers struggle with their mental health, their children tend to be negatively affected.
Postpartum depression is the mental health issue that is most common amongst fathers and the one that has been examined the most. It is estimated that 1 in 10 fathers experience postpartum depression.
Children (5) of depressed fathers are more likely to:
- Have a difficult temperament
- Experience long term mental health issues
Do Mothers’ and Fathers’ Mental Health Matter Equally?
We know that the mental health of mothers and fathers influence their children’s development. But it seems that this effect is not the same.
It seems that in the case of the mothers, it is their mental health that directly influences their children. Whereas in the case of fathers, it is not so much their actual mental health that influences the children, but the socioeconomic difficulties (6) that usually go hand in hand with the fathers’ mental health issues.
Indeed, parental mental health issues rarely happen on their own. Parents who struggle with their mental health, often also experience unemployment, financial difficulties, family conflict, or may use drugs and alcohol.
In general, it is worse for children when their mothers have mental health issues, than when their fathers are the ones struggling with their mental health. However, as you can imagine, the worst situation for a child is when both parents have mental health issues.
Parents Influence Each Other
Mothers’ mental health influence fathers’ mental health and vice versa. And they both influence the child’s mental health. For example, fathers-to-be (7) are more likely to be depressed and anxious when their pregnant partner is depressed. Roughly a quarter of mothers with postnatal depression (8) have a depressed partner.
The opposite dynamic may also happen. Sometimes when the mother is depressed, the father may take increased responsibility to compensate the mother’s poor parenting (9). Mothers may do the same when the father is depressed.
How Can Parents Take Care of their Mental Health?
- Learn about mental health and parenting
- Talk to others about how they are feeling
- Seek advice from a mental health professional
- Eat well
- Do some exercise
- Stay connected with friends and family
Finally…
If you are struggling with your mental health do not struggle in silence and do not go through it alone. Get in touch with me, our therapists are here to help you.
You may find these articles useful:
Love,
Ana
References
(1) DiPietro, J. A. (2012). Maternal stress in pregnancy: considerations for fetal development. Journal of adolescent health, 51(2), S3-S8. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2012.04.008
(2) Loveyjoy, M.C., Graczyk, P.A., O’Hare, E., & Neuman (2000). Maternal depression and parenting behaviour: a meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 20, (5), https://doi.org/10.1016/S0272-7358(98)00100-7
(3) Jung, V., Short, R., Letourneau, N., & Andrews, D. (2007). Interventions with depressed mothers and their infants: Modifying interactive behaviours. Journal of affective disorders, 98(3), 199-205. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2006.07.014
(4) Fisher, S. D. (2017). Paternal mental health: why is it relevant?. American journal of lifestyle medicine, 11(3), 200-211.
(5) Pemberton, C. K., Neiderhiser, J. M., Leve, L. D., Natsuaki, M. N., Shaw, D. S., Reiss, D., & Ge, X. (2010). Influence of parental depressive symptoms on adopted toddler behaviors: An emerging developmental cascade of genetic and environmental effects. Development and psychopathology, 22(4), 803-818. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579410000477
(6) Kieran, K.E., & Mensah, F.K. (2009). Poverty, maternal depression, family status, and children’s cognitive and behavioural development in early childhood: A longitudinal study. Journal of Social Policy, 38(4), 569-588. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.infbeh.2006.07.010
(7) Field, T., Diego, M., Hernandez-Reif, M., Figuereido, B., Deeds, O., Contogeorgos, J., & Ascencio, A. (2006). Prenatal paternal depression. Infant Behaviour and Development, 29(4), 579-583.
(8) Goodman, J.H. (2008). Influences of maternal postpartum depression on fathers and on father-infant interaction. Infant mental health journal: Official publication of the world association for infant mental health, 29(6), 624-643.
(9) Hossain, Z., Field, T., Gonzalez, J., Malphurs, J., Valle, C.D., & Pickens, J. (1994). Infants of depressed mothers interact better with their non depressed fathers. Infant Mental Health Journal, 15(4), 348-357.
Parental burnout is not the ‘typical’ parenting stress. Feeling stress is ‘normal’, common and even necessary.
Parental burnout is something else. It happens when parenting stress impedes parents to cope. When parents lack the resources needed to handle their parenting demands, they may develop parental burnout.
It is characterized by three main features:
- Intense exhaustion: physical, emotional, or both.
- Feeling emotionally distant from one’s child.
- Feeling doubtful of one’ capacity to be a good parent
Parents feel exhausted just by thinking about their role as parents. As a result, parents gradually detach from their children. They become less and less involved and in the end their interactions are limited to logistics and functional. Consequently, parents begin to feel that they are not good parents, and their relationship with their children is damaged.
We can all experience these symptoms at some time. But when a parent is burnout, they experience them frequently and strongly.
What Is the Difference Between Parental Burnout and Depression?
Parental burnout and depression can look quite similar, but they are different.
Parental burnout is specific to the parenting domain. You feel exhausted when being with your kids. You don’t enjoy being with the kids. You find tough dealing with everything to do with the kids. In contrast, you are totally fine at work, you enjoy spending time with your friends, and you enjoy any hobbies you may have.
Depression is more global. It’s all encompassing. You feel low. You feel tired. You feel uninterested across all aspects of your life.
How Many Parents Experience Parental Burnout?
The research on parental burnout is quite new.
Studies in 42 countries show that around 5% of parents experience parental burnout. In the Western world, this figure goes up to 8%. This is about 1 parent in every classroom.
Parental burnout is more common in Europe and the US. This is probably because these countries are very individualistic and because parenting has become increasingly demanding over the last 50 years.
Parents of neurodivergent children are more likely to experience parental burnout.
Both mothers and fathers can experience parental burnout.
Who is More Likely to Experience Parental Burnout?
These are the parents who are more at risk:
- Those who aim to be perfect parents.
- Those who have difficulties regulating their emotions and their stress.
- Don’t have emotional or practical support from their coparent or who don’t have a tribe.
- Those who don’t have much knowledge about how to raise their kids.
- Those who have children with special needs.
- Those who work part-time or are stay-at-home parents
Why Does Parental Burnout Matter?
Parental burnout has been linked with:
- Depression, addiction, and sleep problems.
- Thoughts of running away and committing suicide.
- Child neglect and child maltreatment.
- High levels of job turnover intention, and a decrease in job satisfaction.
- Conflict within the couple.
- A reduction of the quality of life and life satisfaction of the family members.
I Think I Am Experiencing Parental Burnout… What Do I Do?
If you are struggling, and you suspect that you may be experiencing parental burnout, I highly recommend that you see a specialist. Our REC Parenting therapists are here to support you. You just need to get in touch with me here and we will organize the support your need. Remember that taking care of yourself is taking care of your family.
Much love,
Ana
