“My adult daughter used to be estranged but now we’ve worked to low contact. But she didn’t acknowledge Mother’s Day at all this year, even though we are talking again and I can’t believe she would disrespect me like that when she’s come so far recently”
I am glad to hear that you and your daughter are working on your relationship and that it is getting better. I understand that you find upsetting her forgetting Mother’s Day but perhaps she was not trying to disrespect you, perhaps she is not ready yet to celebrate Mother’s Day. Or could it simply be that she forgot it was Mother’s Day? Don’t just assume her motives. Sometimes we get into the habit of imagining other people’s thoughts and feelings, but we never check with them if what we are imagining is the reality. Try to be optimistic about her intentions and feelings. You have the power to choose how you think.
Very often, when we have problems with someone, we want to understand the why. “Why did my daughter not acknowledge Mother’s Day?; “Why did she do this or that?”. This is something that we all do because we need explanations, we crave a narrative to make sense of what is going on. But asking yourself ‘why’ is not that useful. Instead ask yourself ‘how?’. “How does the relationship with your daughter make you feel?”, “How can you make it better?”, “How do you argue with her? Is it constructive?’. At the end of the day, try to focus on the things you can control: your own emotions, thoughts and behaviours.
You have two options here. You can choose not to say anything to her and work through your emotions so this pain you are feeling does not damage the work you both are doing. Or you could tell her that it was painful for you not to celebrate Mother’s Day with her. If you tell her, do it in a kind and respectful way. Do not attack her. Try to understand her point of view and listen to what she has to say.
If you would like the support of our mental health professionals to work through this difficult situation, get in touch with me. We are here to help.
I wish you all the very best and I do hope you manage to have a relationship that works for you both.
Lots of love,
Ana
The first Sunday in March marked Mothers’ Day. We hope that all mothers had a lovely weekend with their families, and they received flowers, chocolates, breakfast in bed, and above all, love and appreciation.
Sadly, the latest data do not show that mothers’ problems will be solved with flowers and chocolates. Let’s consider how mothers are doing:
According to a US Survey Published by Motherly
- 46% of mothers are seeking therapy
- 62% of mothers report getting less than an hour to themselves a day
- 78% of mothers admit to sacrificing sleep to take care of their families
According to a UK Survey Published by REC Parenting
- 46% of working mothers have considered leaving their job because they can’t handle their work and parenting responsibilities:
According to a Survey Recently Published by Calm
- 90% of women said family planning challenges can be all-consuming and affect their mental health and their ability to focus at work and be productive
- 17% of working mothers did not talk to anyone when experiencing challenges with their children’s mental health, and 14% did not discuss their miscarriage or pregnancy loss
According to a UK survey by Bright Horizons:
- 74% of women say they carry the mental load for parenting compared to 48% of men
- 51% of women say they work flexibly to fulfil childcare requirements compared to 27% of men
- 63% of women report feeling confident discussing family-related issues with their employer
All in all, the latest research tells us that mothers are facing significant issues. They need support. Employers are in a perfect position to ease some of the worries that their working mothers are facing. What actions can they take?
- Create truly family-friendly workplaces: Start the conversation around what needs to change to better support mothers, model caring out loud, create an ERG for parents and caregivers…
- When designing employees’ benefit package: Make mothers’ mental health a priority
- Train line managers so they are better able to support working mothers in their teams
- Offer 24/7 expert parenting support
- Offer flexible working
- Help with childcare
Flowers and chocolates are a great gift but I bet that all working mothers would say that receiving support for their employers would be the best gift ever. And let’s not forget that when we support mothers, we are supporting their children.
If you think your organization can do more to support your working mothers and anyone who mothers, do get in touch with us. There are so many things that we can do together!
Much love,
Ana
