Yes. Mothers are at a higher risk of experiencing parental burnout because they often are children’s main caregivers and carry a disproportionate amount of the mental load. However, both fathers and mothers can experience burnout. This is why we call it ‘parental’ and not ‘maternal’.
What Is Parental Burnout?
Parental burnout is a syndrome characterized by three main features:
- Intense exhaustion: physical, emotional, or both.
- Feeling emotionally distant from one’s child.
- Feeling doubtful of one’ capacity to be a good parent.
Parental burnout is not the ‘typical’ parenting stress. Parental burnout impedes parents to cope. It appears when parenting demands exceed the resources parents have available.
What Does the Research Say?
Research shows that mothers experience parental burnout more often than fathers. However, this pattern varies depending on the country and culture where parents live. This suggests that social organization of parenting, and not gender itself, drives the difference.
Why Are Mothers More Affected on Average?
- Intensive mothering norms: we are raising children in a very intense manner. As a result, many mothers feel that they have to be constantly present, perfect, and patient, putting them at a higher risk of burning out.
- Mothers carry the mental load: research shows how in general, mothers tend to carry most of the mental load, even in couples where both work outside the home.
- Loneliness: mothers who feel lonelier are at a higher risk of experiencing parental burnout.
- Reporting differences: it may be that women find it easier to verbalize they are experiencing burnout and to seek help, making burnout more visible in the case of women than men.
Does This Mean Fathers’ Don’t Experience Parental Burnout?
No. Fathers can and they do experience parental burnout. And when they do the consequences can be as serious.
When mothers and fathers carry a similar mental load and responsibilities, burnout levels between them become similar.
How Does Parental Burnout Affect Children?
It is important to understand that parental burnout does not only affect the parent, it also affects the spouse and the children.
The parent who suffers parental burnout struggles with his own mental health and is at a higher risk of developing other mental health conditions, leaving the family, and of committing suicide.
Parental burnout is negative for children because when parents are stressed, their ability to regulate their own emotions, their patience and availability, gets worse. Parents who are burnout are at higher risk of being neglectful or violent towards their children. Parental violence can range from minor to major physical or psychological aggression. Their children are more likely to experience mental health and behavioural issues, and to do worse in school.
Parental burnout also affects the spouse. It increases the intensity and frequency of spousal conflict, reduces the quality of life of family members, and strains family relations. Parents who experience burnout are also less likely to want to have more children.
Therefore, preventing parental burnout is key. We should not wait until parents experience it to tackle it. This is why parents should know what parental burnout so they can take the steps to protect themselves and to identify it and seek timely help.
A Message for Parents
Parental burnout is not a ‘mother problem’. It is a societal problem.
Mothers show higher rates of parental burnout because they are:
- Held at a higher and less flexible standards
- The emotional and logistics manager of the family
- The main caregiver
If you think you may be experiencing burnout, get in touch with us. Our therapists are here to support you and your family.
This article is part of REC Parenting’s Complete Guide to Parental Burnout, where we explore what parental burnout is, how it develops, how it affects the whole family, and measures to tackle it effectively.
References
Mikolajczak, M., Aunola, K., Sorkkila, M., & Roskam, I. (2023). 15 years of parental burnout research: Systematic review and agenda. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 32(4), 276-283.https://doi.org/10.1177/09637214221142777
Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2021). The slippery slope of parental exhaustion: A process model of parental burnout. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 77, 101354.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2021.101354
Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Gender differences in the nature, antecedents and consequences of parental burnout. Sex Roles, 83(7), 485-498. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-020-01121-5
Hays, S. (1998). The fallacious assumptions and unrealistic prescriptions of attachment theory: A comment on” Parents’ Socioemotional Investment in Children”. Journal of Marriage and Family, 60(3), 782-790. https://doi.org/10.2307/353546
Lebert-Charron, A., Dorard, G., Wendland, J., & Boujut, E. (2021). Who are and are not the burnout moms? A cluster analysis study of French-speaking mothers. Journal of Affective Disorders Reports, 4, 100091. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadr.2021.100091
Mikolajczak, M., Brianda, M. E., Avalosse, H., & Roskam, I. (2018). Consequences of parental burnout: Its specific effect on child neglect and violence. Child abuse & neglect, 80, 134-145.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.03.025
Brianda, M. E., Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Hair cortisol concentration as a biomarker of parental burnout. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 117, 104681.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2020.104681
Ren, X., Cai, Y., Wang, J., & Chen, O. (2024). A systematic review of parental burnout and related factors among parents. BMC public health, 24(1), 376.https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-024-17829-y
Bogdán PM, Varga K, Tóth L, Gróf K, Pakai A. Parental Burnout: A Progressive Condition Potentially Compromising Family Well-Being-A Narrative Review. Healthcare (Basel). 2025 Jul 4;13(13):1603. doi: 10.3390/healthcare13131603. PMID: 40648627; PMCID: PMC12249155.
All of us parents know that parenthood is both a joyful and a challenging experience, and that we can feel totally stressed out at times. But what happens if you experience too much stress, for too long, and don’t have the resources to cope with it? That’s when we can develop something called ‘parental burnout’ – when chronic parenting stress leaves us feeling exhausted, disconnected from our children and not being the parent we’d like to be (1).
The term ‘parental burnout’ has been around since the 1980s but there wasn’t any significant research into it until the last few years and that takes time to tickle down into the public conscience. So, despite it being a relatively common condition (5% of parents worldwide are suffering from burnout) (2), it’s not yet widely talked about or understood.
Given how distressing parental burnout can be for both parents and children, it’s really important that we raise awareness of it. A great place to start is Dr. Ana Aznar’s helpful overview article, and in this article, we’re going to bust some of the most common myths about parental burnout.
Myth #1: It Only Affects Mothers
The most common myth is that parental burnout only affects mothers, but that’s absolutely not the case – there’s a reason we call it ‘parental’ and not ‘maternal burnout’. Mothers might be most at risk as they often have the most contact with children and carry a disproportionate amount of the mental load, but fathers can, and do, burn out too.
In fact, some studies suggest that fathers may be even more vulnerable to parental burnout (3), perhaps because traditional gender roles have left fathers less prepared for the challenges of childcare and men may feel less able to seek emotional and practical support. Research also suggests that the consequences of parental burnout, such as withdrawing from your child or having escape fantasies, are also found to be more severe in fathers than in mothers.
Myth #2: It Only Affects Parents with Young Children
While it can be exhausting to be frequently managing tantrums, picky eating, and sleepless nights, parental burnout doesn’t just affect parents of young children – it can happen at any stage of parenting when a parent’s coping resources aren’t enough to cover the stress they’re under.
Parents of older children can be under just as much stress when their hands on, physical care isn’t needed. The tasks of parenthood change as children grow – parents of teens are dealing with more emotional and psychological challenges like mood swings, peer difficulties, risky behavior, and school issues. Not surprisingly, parents of older children and teens report feeling more emotional than physical forms of burnout.
Myth #3: It Only Affects Parents of Children with Special Needs
While it’s true that having a child with special needs is a risk factor for increased parental stress and burnout, no single risk factor is enough to trigger burnout on its own. Often, the most impactful risk factors have more to do with the parent or family system than the children such as parental perfectionism, difficulties with emotional regulation, lack of social support or household disorganization.
And this is good news – these are factors that are likely to be much more amenable to change and can be addressed with a therapist or coach.
Myth #4: It’s Not Real; It’s Just ‘Millennial Snowflakes’ Complaining
Millennials didn’t invent the term “parental burnout”. In fact, the earliest book I’ve read on parental burnout is from 1983; a time when the oldest millennials were just babies.
It’s likely that we’re hearing the term now because of two things – arguably the pressures on parents have increased in the last 40 years as the dominant parenting culture has become more ‘child-centred, expert-guided, emotionally absorbing, labour-intensive and financially expensive’ (4) which has made parental burnout more common.
And secondly, because we’re more aware of, and open to talking about, emotional and mental health than we were in previous generations. The stigma around talking about parental burnout really declined during the Covid-19 lockdowns when most parents felt exhausted by parenthood. One silver lining of that time was that the research literature on parental burnout rapidly grew with so many of us experiencing parental burnout and that will hopefully lead to better support for parents in future.
Myth #5: It Only Affects Single Parents
As we discovered with Myth #3, a single risk factor isn’t enough to cause parental burnout. It’s about the balance of stressors and resources you have. Not having a co-parenting partner is definitely a challenge, but that doesn’t mean having a co-parent makes life easier. In fact, in one study, single mothers were found to be less emotionally exhausted than partnered mothers who rated their partner as unavailable or only moderately available (5).
Single parents can be more vulnerable to burnout, not purely because of their single status, but because they are more likely to experience related risk factors such as lack of downtime, less financial security, and increased mental load. However, a single parent with a good support system and coping strategies is not necessarily more likely to burn out than a parent with a co-parenting partner.
Myth #6: It’s More Common in Disadvantaged Parents
We commonly see social and economic disadvantage as a causal factor in many mental health conditions but that’s not what we find with parental burnout. On the contrary, research shows that it tends to happen more in well-educated, affluent families (6).
We need more research to fully understand why this is the case. It might be related to personality traits – these parents could be more achievement-focused and perfectionistic, putting undue pressure on themselves and their children, or being hyper-aware of all the parenting advice and trying to execute it perfectly. Or it could be that these families are more likely to have moved away from their families of origin and hometowns for work and are more isolated.
Myth #7: It’s More Common in Parents Who Work Long Hours
Perhaps you thought about those affluent parents and wondered whether they’re more stressed because they work long hours. But this might surprise you – parents who work part-time or stay at home are actually more likely to burn out than those who work full-time (1).
These parents often spend more time with their children and take on more of the parental responsibilities, which means they’re more exposed to the stressors of childcare and less exposed to the rewards of work – like accomplishment, adult company, and financial independence. Their balance of stressors and resources is therefore more likely to be unbalanced, and their risk of developing parental burnout increased.
Conclusion
Parental burnout doesn’t fit neatly into one box – there’s no single “type” of burned out parent or a specific risk factor that causes burnout. Any parent can experience burnout if they face more stress than they have the resources to cope with. It’s not a personal failing.
The good news? Burnout can be managed. By addressing the balance between stressors and resources, research shows that the symptoms of parental burnout can improve, along with the associated stress hormone levels (7). So, if you’re feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a professional and get the support you need so you can get back to enjoying family life.
About the Author
Dr. Katy Hill is a clinical psychologist with over 20 years’ experience of working across a variety of different NHS and university psychology departments. She was the first UK clinical psychologist to qualify as a certified parental burnout practitioner with the Training Institute of Parental Burnout in 2022. As a mum of three herself, Dr. Katy is passionate about supporting parents to reduce their stress levels, manage difficult emotions and improve relationships with their children, and themselves. You can find her at www.drkatyhill.com or on Instagram @theparentalstresspsychologist.
References
(1) Mikolajczak, M., Aunola, K., Sorkkila, M., & Roskam, I. (2023). 15 years of parental burnout research: Systematic review and agenda. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 32(4), 276-283.https://doi.org/10.1177/09637214221142777
(2) Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2021). The slippery slope of parental exhaustion: A process model of parental burnout. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 77, 101354.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2021.101354
(3) Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Gender differences in the nature, antecedents and consequences of parental burnout. Sex Roles, 83(7), 485-498. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-020-01121-5
(4) Hays, S. (1998). The fallacious assumptions and unrealistic prescriptions of attachment theory: A comment on” Parents’ Socioemotional Investment in Children”. Journal of Marriage and Family, 60(3), 782-790. https://doi.org/10.2307/353546
(5) Lebert-Charron, A., Dorard, G., Wendland, J., & Boujut, E. (2021). Who are and are not the burnout moms? A cluster analysis study of French-speaking mothers. Journal of Affective Disorders Reports, 4, 100091. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadr.2021.100091
(6) Mikolajczak, M., Brianda, M. E., Avalosse, H., & Roskam, I. (2018). Consequences of parental burnout: Its specific effect on child neglect and violence. Child abuse & neglect, 80, 134-145.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.03.025
(7) Brianda, M. E., Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Hair cortisol concentration as a biomarker of parental burnout. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 117, 104681.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2020.104681
