“When it comes to types of discipline, what kind of discipline do you recommend? Don’t want to use physical punishments but I’m also wary of telling my kid off, in case it’s psychologically damaging”
It is completely normal to feel unsure about how to discipline your child, especially if you are trying to find a way that feels loving but still firm. The best approach is called inductive discipline.
Inductive discipline focuses on helping your child understand why a behaviour is wrong. This approach encourages thoughtful conversations, instead of punishing or saying “Because I say so”. So, every time your child misbehaves, you tell him why what he did is wrong and how he should behave next time. If you do this every time he misbehaves, over time your child will develop a strong inner moral compass. He will behave well not because he fears the consequences, but because he truly understands why what he did was wrong. Telling him off in a constructive way will not damage your child, on the contrary, your child needs you to set clear limits and boundaries. Our children need us to be their guides, they need us to say ‘no’, they need us to set limits. Setting limits for our children is a way of loving them. Telling them off in a constructive way is a way of setting limits and is a way of loving them.
You are absolutely right not wanting to use physical punishment. Physical punishment is never good for children. It does not teach them anything and it is negative for their mental health and their development.
I am leaving you here some articles that you will find useful and let me know if you want one-to-one support to discuss this further.
How to Discipline Your Child: An Age-By-Age Guide
Is Smacking Your Child Ever OK?
Let’s Be Honest: Who Doesn’t Ever Yell at Their Kids?
I wish you both all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“How to discipline a 3 year old – I don’t want to be lax but he’s also acting up so much lately.”
How to discipline our children is probably one of the trickiest things. Knowing when you are being too lax, or too strict is not always easy.
Here are some important things for you to remember when disciplining your 3-year-old:
- Remember that discipline always works best when you have a warm and loving relationship with your child.
- Use praise: very often we only focus on the things that our children don’t do well or that they get wrong, and we ignore the things they do well. Try to focus on the things that he does well and praise him: “Look how well you have tidied up your toys!”, “Well done, you have shared so nicely with your brother!”. Think that our children usually want to please us, and they are likely to repeat the behaviours that they know we like.
- Be consistent: children do better when they have a clear and structured routine. Knowing what comes next makes them feel safe and they are less likely to act out.
- Do not smack him, and as much as you can, try not to shout at him. If you are losing your patience, it’s better to leave the room a few minutes and come back feeling calmer.
- If he is throwing tantrums, do not give in. If the tantrum has already started, make sure that he cannot hurt himself, give him a bit of space, and wait for it to finish. Do not give in because if you do, you are reinforcing his behaviour, and he will learn that if he throws a tantrum he will get what he wants. Once the tantrum has finished, give him a hug and do something together.
- Think one step ahead of him. At this stage, try to be proactive. Distract him before he sees the jar of biscuits, don’t take him to run errands close to his nap time, and redirect him whenever he is getting close to doing something dangerous.
You may also find these articles interesting:
How to Discipline Your Child: An Age-by-Age Guide
Is Smacking Your Child Ever OK?
How to Stop Yelling at my Kids
Let’s Be Honest: Who Doesn’t Ever Yell at their Kids?
I hope this information helps! I wish you and your little one the very best.
Love,
Ana
