A few weeks ago, I attended a family wedding. It was a small wedding filled with love, laughter, tears, and fun. We all had a great time. And it got me thinking… Why is family important? How important is it? Given how much families have changed over the past few decades: what do families look like these days? And do we still think that families are as important as we used to? 

Why Is Growing Up with Family Important? 

If we look at psychology, anthropology and sociology textbooks they tell us that families are crucial in children’s development. Family ⁽¹⁾ is important because it: 

1. Plays a very important socialization role 

2. Provides a sense of belonging and identity 

3. Provides emotional, financial, and psychological support   

4. Promotes personal, emotional, and social development 

5. Preserves cultural traditions and family history  

6. Contributes to the overall health and well-being of its members  

“Good” vs “Bad” Families 

For the past 60 odd years, psychologists have examined what aspects of family life make a difference to children’s psychological wellbeing. There are three main factors ⁽²⁾: 

• The quality of parent-child relationship: Parents who are warm and loving, set limits, and are invested, tend to have children who are well adjusted.  

• The quality of parents’ relationship: the fact that parents fight does not matter that much, what matters is how they fight. Frequent, violent fights tend to be negative for children’s wellbeing 

• The parents’ mental health: one of the biggest predictors of children’s mental health is their parents’ mental health (genetics also play a role here).  

Types of Families 

Families have changed so much. Until quite recently, if you asked anyone to describe a typical family, most people would describe a mother and a father who are married with one or more children. However, in recent decades, societies (especially in the Western world) have changed a lot, and so have families. New family types have appeared:  

• Single parent: one parent lives alone with their children. This type of family is on the rise, especially single mothers.  

• Same sex: two men or two women that are in a stable relationship and live with their children.  

• Blended: two people who were married before, establish a new family, bringing their own children to create a new family  

• Childless family: couples who by choice or not, have no children. This type of family is also becoming more popular.  

Does the Type of Family Matter for Children’s Development? 

For the most part, no ⁽³⁾. Research shows that what matters for children’s development is not how families look like, but the quality of the relationships within the family. Once we control factors such as financial situation and parents’ education level, children living in a ‘non-conventional’ family do not differ in their cognitive or socioemotional development to children living in traditional families.  

However, there are some nuances because the different types of non-traditional families are very different. It is clearly not the same to grow up being an unplanned child of a teenage mother than growing up with two same-sex parents who wanted you so much they spent years going through round after round of IVF, or to be part of a blended family and having to get used to it. Each child is differently affected by these challenges. Some will take these challenges in their stride whereas for others it can be more difficult.  

Is It True that Families Are in Decline? 

It is true that the traditional family ⁽⁴⁾ has been in decline since approximately the 1960s. However, families are not in decline. Families are changing but not disappearing. And the function of the family remains the same. Families are as important as ever.  

Do People Consider Family as Important as It Used to Be? 

There is not a lot of data to answer this question. I suspect that the answer will be very different depending on your culture.  

In the US, 70% of people aged 65 and older ⁽⁵⁾ say that family is the most important thing in life. Whereas only 50% of people under 30 say the same ⁽⁶⁾. Nine in ten people see family as either one of the most important things or as a very important but not the most important thing.  

Why Are More People Going ‘No Contact’ with their Parents? 

Family estrangement ⁽⁷⁾ is the process by which family members become strangers to one another. Sometimes this may be the result of one big fight, child abuse or neglect, parents’ substance abuse, and other times it is the result of the accumulation of many grievances throughout the years.  

There is not much data on this topic, but anecdotal evidence from psychologists suggest that more and more young people are cutting ties with their parents. Or it could be that we are simply becoming more open about it. To give you an idea of numbers, according to a 2022 poll, 1 in 4 of Americans are estranged from a close family member.  

Some psychologists suggest that the reason why more people are going no contact is that the way we think about family is changing. Older generations have a sense of duty towards their family members, whereas the younger generations want healthy family relations and do not feel obliged to put up with their families if they think it is not healthy or safe for them. There has been a shift from honouring our parents to focusing on mental health and happiness.  

Finally… 

Families have changed a lot over the past few decades, and they will probably keep on changing as year go by. What it does not seem to change is the fact that children need loving families to thrive. Whatever they look like.  

You may also find these articles useful:  

Advantages and Disadvantages of Growing Up in a Same-Sex Family 

Staying Connected as a Couple When You Become Parents 

How to Deal with In-Laws: the Good, Bad, and Ugly  

How Does Parental Mental Health Affect a Child? 

The Importance of Parenting: How Much Do Parents Really Matter?  

I hope you find this information useful. Get in touch with me if you have any queries or comments.  

Love, 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

References  

⁽¹⁾ Parke, R.D. (2004). Development in the family. Annual Review of Psychology, 55. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.55.090902.141528 

⁽²⁾ Golombok, S. (2022). We Are Family. London: Scribe. 

⁽³⁾ Golombok, S. (2017). Parenting in new family forms. Current Opinion in Psychology, 15, 76-80. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.02.004 

⁽⁴⁾ Bengston, V.L. (2004). Beyond the nuclear family: The increasing importance of multigenerational bonds. Journal of Marriage and Family, 63(1), 1-6). https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.00001.x 

⁽⁵⁾ https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/44817-poll-family-ties-proximity-and-estrangement 

⁽⁶⁾ https://pewrsr.ch/45vcUvV 

⁽⁷⁾ Melvin, K., & Hickey, J. (2022). The changing impact and challenges of familial estrangement. The Family Journal, 30(3), 348-356.