“Could you please recommend effective consequences for 8-year-olds who act out?“
Here are a few recommendations that you will find useful with your 8 year-old:
- Use connected consequences. The purpose of punishments is to change a behaviour. This is why it does not make much sense, that for example, when your child does not put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, you punish him without Play Station for a week. Instead set a connected consequence and tell him that if he fails to bring his clothes to the laundry basket, he will do the laundry for a week. This way you are using the punishment to change his behaviour.
- Use natural consequences. They are similar to connected consequences but they happen ‘on their own’. So, to continue with the same example, you tell your child that clothes that are not in the laundry basket will not be washed. The first time he has no clean clothes to wear, he will likely change his behaviour.
- Use praise. Sometimes as parents we focus on our children’s bad behaviour and ignore good behaviour. Praise your child’s behaviour when he is “good” (e.g., “Well done for tidying up so nicely”).
- Explain, explain, and explain. The aim of discipline is that children understand why their behaviour was wrong. So, always explain it and then set up appropriate consequences.
- Be consistent. It is really important that whatever rules you have, you always abide by them. For example, if the rule is that there are no screens until homework is done, that rule must be followed every day. Children need predictability and stability. They behave better when they know what to expect.
- Do not threaten him with punishments you cannot follow (e.g., “You are not watching TV for a year”). When we make these threats, your child knows perfectly well that you won’t carry them and so he won’t change his behaviour.
- Do not use physical punishment. There are only a few things that we can say that are always bad for children: physical punishment is one of them.
You may find these articles useful:
How to Discipline Your Child: An Age-by-Age Guide
Is Smacking Your Child Ever OK?
Let’s Be Honest: Who Doesn’t Ever Yell at their Kids?
I hope this information helps. If you want to have a one-to-one session to discuss this issue, do not hesitate to contact me. I wish you and your family all the very best,
Love,
Ana
