“Help! My 3 year old is out of control. Throws a fit at everything, angry, upset, uncontrollable”

At the age of 3, it is very difficult for your child to control their emotions. And at this age when they are happy, they are VERY happy and when they are angry, they are VERY angry. At this same time, children become more independent. Most of them can now walk around and with this newly gained physical independence, they want to be allowed to DO things. And when you tell them ‘NO’ the frustration begins. And because they cannot control that frustration and they don’t have the ability to tell you how they are feeling, the tantrum begins! 

Tantrums happen because of hunger, tiredness, illness and frustration. Therefore, prevention is the best way to avoid them. 

Some useful tips are:

• Establish a consistent routine so the child knows when it is time to go to bed, have a bath, eat, and play. 

• Take snacks with you when you are out and about to avoid your child getting hungry.

• If possible, avoid ‘boring’ activities like going to the supermarket or to the post office around nap time or lunch time when your child is more likely to be cranky. 

• Have toys at the ready so you can distract your child if he starts getting frustrated. 

If you do not manage to prevent them, there is not much you can do once the tantrum starts. The best thing to do is to wait it out. Make sure your child is safe (they sometimes bang their heads against the wall or the floor), stay close but don’t do anything. Once they finish, wipe their tears and redirect their attention to another activity. 

The acronym R.I.D.D. can help you handle tantrums (easier said than done, we know):

• Remain calm 
• Ignore the tantrum
• Distract the child as soon as it is over
• Do make sure your child is safe but don’t give in to demands. 

Do not give in. If you give into the tantrum, you are reinforcing the behaviour and your child will know that if he throws a tantrum, he will get what he wants. We know it may be painful to watch, but the best thing for your child is for you to wait until he is done.

Finally, remember that children learn more from what we do than from what we say. Be a good role model for your child and manage your emotions in a calm way. 

You may find these articles useful:

When Do Child Tantrums Stop?

How to Handle Tantrums?

Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents

I wish you both all the very best. 

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar