How to Talk to Kids So They Listen?
“Do you have advice on how to talk to kids so they listen?? I feel like my 11 year old is just become completely deaf to me in the past 6 months”
Welcome to the teenage years! It is not that your child has suddenly become deaf but that he is going through the process of individuation. He is separating from you and he is become closer to his friends and peers. The first years of adolescence can be particularly difficult because your relationship needs to evolve and adapt to your child’s evolving needs. This is what adolescence is all about.
It is normal to have moments when you find your teenager difficult. Consider that your child is separating from you, they are figuring out who they are, and where they fit in the world. It is a lot for them to take in! They are changing and therefore we must change with them and adapt to this new phase of parenting. When our children reach adolescence, our role needs to change from being a manager to being a consultant. Consider that both you and your child are going through a period of change, and change = stress.
If you feel your child is not listening to you, have a chat – a chat ,not a lecture – with him and together discuss about expectations. Tell your teen that you understand he is going through a lot but that you feel he is not listening to you, and this is not good for your relationship. Give him a couple of examples when you felt he did not listen, otherwise he may not know what you are talking about. Do not assume he knows how you feel, you need to tell him.
Talk to your teen about the importance of practicing mutuality. This means that relationships are not one sided. They are about giving and taking. This will help your relationship with them but also it will serve as a model for future relationships. It will not do them any good in their future relationships if they think that they are all about them.
I wish you both the very best.
Ana
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