How Do I Manage my Children’s Screen Time?
“How should you manage screen time for children? I feel like my sons (10, 12, 15) are always staring at a phone or computer or TV, and they get incredibly aggressive when I try and limit it so I’m sure I’m doing it wrong and yes, i should have figured this out much earlier. Thank you!”
I can assure you that you are not the only one struggling with screens. I think this is something that all parents relate to. We did not grow up with screens, so as parents we don’t know how to deal with them.
Let’s see what you can do. I would first try to record for say, a week, how much screen time your kids are really having, when, and where they are using their screens. With this information, have a chat with them and tell them that given the information you have recorded, they are having too much screen time, and you think that as a family screen rules need to be re-established.
What kind of rules should you establish? Different families have different rules, but in general these tend to work:
1. Make it clear that the phone/computer/tv is yours. You pay for them and if they don’t follow the rules you set, there will be consequences.
2. Make it very clear that aggressiveness is not allowed. Under no circumstances.
3. Set the rules: how much screen time can they have per day, when, where, and what they can do with them.
4. Establish the consequences. Ideally, you want to establish connected consequences. For example, if your 10-year-old can play with the computer for 30 minutes, and he plays for longer, the following day his screen time will be reduced.
5. Establish the rules and be consistent. Rules should always be the same, and consequences when rules are broken should always be the same. If you have a partner, it is very important that you both agree to change the rules and that you both do the work to achieve it. Work as a team.
6.. They should never have screens in their bedrooms at night. They must give you all the screens before going to bed.
7. If you have not done it yet, install parental controls and monitor what they are doing. It is not the same if your 15-year-old spends an hour playing online with friends than if he spends an hour watching porn. Screen time is important, but it is also important what they are doing with the screens and what they are not doing because they are with the screen. Ideally, you want your sons to find a balance between homework, sports, time with friends and family, and screens.
Your sons will resist. They won’t want you to change the rules but remember that it is never too late to change the rules and that you are the parent, you are in charge. It is important that they understand why you are changing the rules because they are more likely to follow them, but if they refuse, it is perfectly fine for you say: “I am sorry if you don’t understand the new rules but I am your mother and because I love you, I am doing what is best for you”.
Regards,
Ana
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Children, Mental Health, and Screens
