Do You Have Any Lone Parent Advice?

“Do you have any lone parent advice? I am newly single dad after my girlfriend left, and I am struggling (don’t have any family in the state either)” 

I am sorry to hear you are struggling but not at all surprised. If parenting with someone else is hard, parenting on your own is even harder. 

You are finding it particularly hard now because everything is new, and you and your child need to adapt to this new situation. Think that as you get used to your new situation, things will get easier. 

You mention that you don’t have any family close by. However, parenting was never meant to be done alone. You need to find your tribe. If your child goes to nursery or school, are there any parents that you can team up with? Or maybe any neighbours with kids? You could organize carpools, or playdates in each other houses, so you all get “time off” to get things done and possibly some rest when it is not your turn to take care of the kids. 

There are many mothers and fathers in your situation. According to the Pew Research Center, between 25% to 30% of children under the age of 18 in the US live in a single-parent household. In general, research tends to find no differences between children living with two parents and children living with one parent. Try to find dads in your same situation. There are online communities of single dads that you could join and maybe there are also single dad groups in your local area. 

Single parents bear the burden of making difficult parenting decisions on their own. This is why it is important that you understand how much parents matter so you do not agonize over decisions that do not matter that much. What matters for child development? The most important predictor in children’s development is whether they have a good relationship with their parents. Children tend to do better when their parents are loving, caring, and set up clear and consistent rules. This is why children who have authoritative parents tend to do better than children of parents who favour other parenting styles. Usually, small decisions which parents tend to worry about do not make a big difference in how their child turns out. Your child’s future does not depend totally on you. Focus on the quality of your relationship. Give your child lots of love and provide consistent rules. Try not to worry about every single decision you make, because most likely it will not matter in the long term

Single parenthood can be particularly tough on your mental health. It is important that you take care of yourself to manage your stress and avoid burnout. Remember that when in the case of parents: self-care is childcare. Your child needs you to be strong and well. Create boundaries, ask for help, and remember that you do not need to be the perfect father. The perfect parent does not exist, we all make mistakes and it is not the end of the world. 

You may find these articles useful:

What Is Parental Burnout?

Do You Have Advice for Stress Relief for Parents?

How Does Parental Mental Health Affect a Child?

I wish you all the very best. If you need support, please do not hesitate to get in touch.

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar