What Is Parental Burnout?

Parental burnout is a state of overwhelming emotional and physical exhaustion from chronic parenting stress, leading to feelings of irritability, ineffectiveness, detachment from children and loss of enjoyment in family life. Parental burnout is not the ‘typical’ parenting stress. Parental burnout impedes parents to cope. 

How We Understand Parental Burnout at REC Parenting

At REC Parenting we frequently see parents (especially mothers) experiencing burnout. They experience burnout not because they are doing anything wrong, not because they are weak but because sadly, our society does not support mothers. Parental burnout is not a personal failure but a response to an environment marked by constant pressure, mental loads that need to be dealt with alone, and insufficient support. 

We see parents who devote all their time and energy to their children. So much that they neglect their own needs and they reach a point where they have nothing left to give. To make it worse, many parents feel that feeling this way is a normal part of parenting. Others feel ashamed for being so tired and they do not understand why they are not enjoying raising their children. 

We strongly believe that parental burnout has more to do with society’s structure. This means that we must take personal blame out of the equation. 

What Psychology and Research Tell Us

Feeling stress is ‘normal’, common and even necessary. Parental burnout is something else. It is different to parenting stress, burnout, and depression. Parental burnouthappens when parenting stress impedes parents to cope. When parents lack the resources they need to handle their parenting demands, they may develop parental burnout.

Parental burnout is characterized by three main features: 

• Intense exhaustion: physical, emotional, or both.

• Feeling emotionally distant from one’s child.

• Feeling doubtful of one’ capacity to be a good parent 

Parents feel exhausted just by thinking about their role as parents. As a result, parents gradually detach from their children. They become less and less involved and in the end their interactions with their children are limited to logistics(e.g., “I will pick you up at 5 pm”). Consequently, parents begin to feel that they are not good parents, and their relationship with their children is damaged. Parents feel they are not being the parent they’d like to be. We can all experience these symptoms at some time. But when a parent is burnout, they experience them frequently and strongly. 

Very often, people think that parental burnout only affects mothers, but that is absolutely not the case – there is a reason we call it ‘parental’ and not ‘maternal burnout’. Mothers might be most at risk as they often have the most contact with children and carry a disproportionate amount of the mental load, but fathers can, and do, burn out too.

In fact, some studies suggest that fathers may be even more vulnerable to parental burnout, perhaps because traditional gender roles have left fathers less prepared for the challenges of childcare and men may feel less able to seek emotional and practical support. Research also suggests that the consequences of parental burnout, such as withdrawing from your child or having escape fantasies, are also found to be more severe in fathers than in mothers.

Because research on parental burnot is still quite new, there are not many studies examining how it develops. A recent study shows that parental burnout does not appear suddenly, instead it is the result of a long process. This process has three stages:

1) Emotional exhaustion: the parent is always tired, even first thing in the morning, realizing they must spend another day with their child. The parent may feel that they have nothing else to give.

2) Emotional distancing: the parent gets less and lessinvolved in their child’s life. They do the bare minimum to keep their child fed, clean, and safe. 

3) Loss of accomplishment in one’s parental role: the parent feels that they have had enough of parenthood. They find no joy in their children feel that they cannot keep going. 

Why Parental Burnout Is Common Today

The term ‘parental burnout’ has been around since the 1980s but there wasn’t any significant research into it until the last few years and that takes time to tickle down into the public conscience. So, despite it being a relatively common condition (5% of parents worldwide are suffering from burnout) ⁽²⁾, it’s not yet widely talked about or understood. 

The rise in parental burnout is connected to broader structural and social factors:

• We are raising kids in a very intensive, child-centeredway

• Mental load falls in the mothers, even when both, thefather and the mother work outside the home

• Ineffective work-life balance

• Trying to reach the perfect mother myth

• Mothers feeling lonely and lacking a tribe to raise their children

• The focus on productivity that is prevalent in today’s society

All these factors have made parental burnout more common. These days, parenting is intense and when parents do not have the support they need, exhaustion is to be expected. So, the idea that parental burnout is not real, that is just millennial snowflakes complaining, is simply not accurate. 

Although as we have mentioned, parental burnout is linked to social factors, there are parents who are at a higher risk of experiencing it:

• Parents of neurodivergent children, children with chronic illness or special needs

• Parents who aim to be perfect

• Parents of lower socioeconomic status

• Parents with low literacy

• Mothers

• Mothers who experience postpartum depression

• Single parents

• Parents who are emotionally instable 

• Parents who are not conscientious (this is the tendency to be organized, responsible, disciplined, and goal-oriented)

• Parents from individualistic countries: the prevalence of parental burnout raises from 5% to 9%

Common Signs of Parental Burnout

Different people will experience parental burnout differently, but common signs are:

• Increased irritability

• Fatigue that does not disappear with rest

• Difficulty enjoying even calm and joyful moments

• A constant feeling of being at their limit

• Constant guilt about not being the perfect parent

Parents who experience burnout are at higher risk of experiencing suicidal and escape ideations, and to problems such as substance abuse and sleep problems. It can also lead to a decrease in life satisfaction and depressive symptoms. 

So far, there are two psychological tests that measure Parental burnout: the Parental Burnout Inventory (PBI) and the Parental Burnout Assessment (PBA). The PBA examines four factors: 

• Emotional distance from one’s children

• Feelings of being fed up with one’s parental role, 

• Contrast with how the parent used to and wanted to be, 

• Exhaustion related to one’s parental role. 

How Parental Burnout Affects Children and Family Life

It is important to understand that parental burnout does not only affect the parent, it also affects the spouse and the children.

The parent who suffers parental burnout struggles with his own mental health and is at a higher risk of developing other mental health conditions, leaving the family, and of committing suicide.

Parental burnout is negative for children because when parents are stressed, their ability to regulate their own emotions, their patience and availability, gets worse. Parents who are burnout are at higher risk of being neglectful or violent towards their children. Parental violence can range from minor to major physical or psychological aggression. Their children are more likely to experience mental health and behavioural issues, and to do worse in school. 

Parental burnout also affects the spouse. It increases the intensity and frequency of spousal conflict, reduces the quality of life of family members, and strains family relations.Parents who experience burnout are also less likely to want to have more children. 

Therefore, preventing parental burnout is key. We should not wait until parents experience it to tackle it. This is why parents should know what parental burnout so they can take the steps to protect themselves and to identify it and seek timely help. 

Frequently Asked Questions about Parental Burnout

In our work with families, we often hear these questions:

• What is parental burnout and how do I know I have it?

• Can parental burnout be prevented?

• Is it normal to feel exhausted even when I love my children?

• Is parental burnout more typical of mothers than of fathers?

• How does parental burnout affect children?

• How can I recover from parental burnout?

• Are parental burnout and depression the same?

What Usually Does Not Help? (Even Though It Is Often Suggested)

• Romanticising resilience: the idea that good parents “suck it up” and keep going to matter what, is not helpful when you are struggling with burnout. 

• Generic advice such as “how to organize yourself better”

• Adding more pressure thinking that it is self-care: it seems that self-care these days has become another obligation, you need to do journaling, medication, fasting…. Adding more things to your to-do-list will unlikely improve your burnout. Self-care is crucial for parents but it shoud not be seen as another obligation.

• Treating parental burnout as an individual problem: as we have already seen there are some parents who are at a higher risk of experiencing parental burnout but this does not mean that they are the only ones who experience it. More than anything, parental burnout is a societal problem. 

What Actually Helps (Based on Experience and Evidence)

• Finding your tribe

• Getting professional support: cognitive behavioraltherapy (CBT) tends to work.

• Redistributing mental load and responsibilities

• Reducing demands

• Rethinking unrealistic expectations of parenting

The good news is that parental burnout can be managed. By addressing the balance between stressors and resources, research shows that the symptoms of parental burnout can improve, along with the associated stress hormone levels. So, if you’re feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a professional and get the support you need so you can get back to enjoying family life. The goal is to change the way we parent our children to make it sustainable and enjoyable. 

An Important Message for Parents

Parenting was never meant to be done alone. If you are feeling burnout, it does not mean you are failing. It means you need more support and to reassess the way you are raising your children. We are here to support you. Do get in touch with usif you think you are experiencing parental burnout. 

Continue Exploring

You can keep on reading about parental burnout, work-family balance, realistic parenting and mental load in other REC Parenting articles. We explore these issues through a contextual, psychological, and deeply human lens. 

Related articles:

7 Myths about Parental Burnout

How Does Parental Mental Health Affect a Child?

Do You Have Advice for Stress Relief for Parents?

References

Mikolajczak, M., Aunola, K., Sorkkila, M., & Roskam, I. (2023). 15 years of parental burnout research: Systematic review and agenda. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 32(4), 276-283.https://doi.org/10.1177/09637214221142777

Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2021). The slippery slope of parental exhaustion: A process model of parental burnout. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 77, 101354.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2021.101354

Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Gender differences in the nature, antecedents and consequences of parental burnout. Sex Roles, 83(7), 485-498. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-020-01121-5

Hays, S. (1998). The fallacious assumptions and unrealistic prescriptions of attachment theory: A comment on” Parents’ Socioemotional Investment in Children”. Journal of Marriage and Family, 60(3), 782-790. https://doi.org/10.2307/353546

Lebert-Charron, A., Dorard, G., Wendland, J., & Boujut, E. (2021). Who are and are not the burnout moms? A cluster analysis study of French-speaking mothers. Journal of Affective Disorders Reports, 4, 100091. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadr.2021.100091

Mikolajczak, M., Brianda, M. E., Avalosse, H., & Roskam, I. (2018). Consequences of parental burnout: Its specific effect on child neglect and violence. Child abuse & neglect, 80, 134-145.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.03.025

Brianda, M. E., Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Hair cortisol concentration as a biomarker of parental burnout. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 117, 104681.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2020.104681

Ren, X., Cai, Y., Wang, J., & Chen, O. (2024). A systematic review of parental burnout and related factors among parents. BMC public health, 24(1), 376.https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-024-17829-y

Bogdán PM, Varga K, Tóth L, Gróf K, Pakai A. Parental Burnout: A Progressive Condition Potentially Compromising Family Well-Being-A Narrative Review. Healthcare (Basel). 2025 Jul 4;13(13):1603. doi: 10.3390/healthcare13131603. PMID: 40648627; PMCID: PMC12249155.