Is Parental Burnout More Typical of Mothers than Fathers?

Yes. Mothers are at a higher risk of experiencing parental burnout because they often are children’s main caregivers and carry a disproportionate amount of the mental load. However, both fathers and mothers can experience burnout. This is why we call it ‘parental’ and not ‘maternal’. 

What Is Parental Burnout?

Parental burnout is a syndrome characterized by three main features:

• Intense exhaustion: physical, emotional, or both.

• Feeling emotionally distant from one’s child.

• Feeling doubtful of one’ capacity to be a good parent.

Parental burnout is not the ‘typical’ parenting stress. Parental burnout impedes parents to cope. It appears when parenting demands exceed the resources parents have available. 

What Does the Research Say?

Research shows that mothers experience parental burnout more often than fathers. However, this pattern varies depending on the country and culture where parents live. This suggests that social organization of parenting, and not gender itself, drives the difference.

Why Are Mothers More Affected on Average?

• Intensive mothering norms: we are raising children in a very intense manner. As a result, many mothers feel that they have to be constantly present, perfect, and patient, putting them at a higher risk of burning out. 

• Mothers carry the mental load: research shows how in general, mothers tend to carry most of the mental load, even in couples where both work outside the home.

• Loneliness: mothers who feel lonelier are at a higher risk of experiencing parental burnout. 

• Reporting differences: it may be that women find it easier to verbalize they are experiencing burnout and to seek help, making burnout more visible in the case of women than men. 

Does This Mean Fathers’ Don’t Experience Parental Burnout?

No. Fathers can and they do experience parental burnout. And when they do the consequences can be as serious. 

When mothers and fathers carry a similar mental load and responsibilities, burnout levels between them become similar. 

How Does Parental Burnout Affect Children?

It is important to understand that parental burnout does not only affect the parent, it also affects the spouse and the children.

The parent who suffers parental burnout struggles with his own mental health and is at a higher risk of developing other mental health conditions, leaving the family, and of committing suicide.

Parental burnout is negative for children because when parents are stressed, their ability to regulate their own emotions, their patience and availability, gets worse. Parents who are burnout are at higher risk of being neglectful or violent towards their children. Parental violence can range from minor to major physical or psychological aggression. Their children are more likely to experience mental health and behavioural issues, and to do worse in school. 

Parental burnout also affects the spouse. It increases the intensity and frequency of spousal conflict, reduces the quality of life of family members, and strains family relations. Parents who experience burnout are also less likely to want to have more children. 

Therefore, preventing parental burnout is key. We should not wait until parents experience it to tackle it. This is why parents should know what parental burnout so they can take the steps to protect themselves and to identify it and seek timely help. 

A Message for Parents

Parental burnout is not a ‘mother problem’. It is a societal problem.

Mothers show higher rates of parental burnout because they are:

• Held at a higher and less flexible standards

• The emotional and logistics manager of the family

• The main caregiver

If you think you may be experiencing burnout, get in touch with us. Our therapists are here to support you and your family. 

This article is part of REC Parenting’s Complete Guide to Parental Burnout, where we explore what parental burnout is, how it develops, how it affects the whole family, and measures to tackle it effectively.  

References

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Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2021). The slippery slope of parental exhaustion: A process model of parental burnout. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 77, 101354.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2021.101354

Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Gender differences in the nature, antecedents and consequences of parental burnout. Sex Roles, 83(7), 485-498. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-020-01121-5

Hays, S. (1998). The fallacious assumptions and unrealistic prescriptions of attachment theory: A comment on” Parents’ Socioemotional Investment in Children”. Journal of Marriage and Family, 60(3), 782-790. https://doi.org/10.2307/353546

Lebert-Charron, A., Dorard, G., Wendland, J., & Boujut, E. (2021). Who are and are not the burnout moms? A cluster analysis study of French-speaking mothers. Journal of Affective Disorders Reports, 4, 100091. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadr.2021.100091

Mikolajczak, M., Brianda, M. E., Avalosse, H., & Roskam, I. (2018). Consequences of parental burnout: Its specific effect on child neglect and violence. Child abuse & neglect, 80, 134-145.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2018.03.025

Brianda, M. E., Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Hair cortisol concentration as a biomarker of parental burnout. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 117, 104681.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2020.104681

Ren, X., Cai, Y., Wang, J., & Chen, O. (2024). A systematic review of parental burnout and related factors among parents. BMC public health, 24(1), 376.https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-024-17829-y

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