Category: Parents' ZoneQ&As

How to Survive as a Newly Single Mother?

Published : Nov 21, 2025
By Dr. Ana Aznar

“I suppose this might be a wide question, but do you have advice on how to survive as a single mother? I am newly divorced and am finding it very difficult to mentally tackle the single-parenting load while also taking care of myself. Thank you!” 

single Mother Carrying Son And Daughter As They Play In Park

I am sorry you are finding this transition difficult. However, I am not at all surprised; parenting is tough, but single parenting is even tougher. I don’t know your specific circumstances but here are a few things I would like you to consider: 

  1. You are going through a life transition. It may not be what you wanted but take it as an opportunity to think about how you want the next stage of your life to look like. To do this, it is a good idea to reflect on your values. You have many decisions to make regarding your own life and your child’s life, when you are clear on your values, making those decisions becomes much easier. When your values are clear, you don’t end up doing things just because everyone else is doing it. Or you don’t listen to advice that is not aligned with how you want to live your life.  
  1. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to be the perfect mother: Our society has the idea that mothers need to be perfect. That we need to be able to do everything to the highest standard. Always be there for our children, never lose it, work as if we didn’t have kids and have kids as if we don’t have a job. This is impossible. Trying to be perfect will only lead you to burn out. Instead adopt the idea of the “good enough” parent. This idea was formulated by a psychologist called Donald Winnicott. It doesn’t mean neglecting a child it means knowing that as parents we will get it wrong sometimes and it is OK. Human relationships are not perfect and trying to be the perfect parent, gives your child the wrong idea of how social relationships work. A perfect mother cannot prepare children for an imperfect world.  
  1. You must take care of yourself otherwise you will burn out and you will become resentful. And when I say that you need to take care of yourself, I mean that you shouldn’t lose your identity. To do this, it is key that you learn to set boundaries. Setting boundaries is not being selfish, it is a form of self-care. You need clear boundaries in this new stage of your life.  
  1. You may not have a partner, but you need your tribe: we are not designed to be alone; we are social beings. We need people, and as parents we need a support system.  It is very easy as a single parent to feel lonely; feeling lonely is not good for you or your child’s mental health. So, make sure that you make time for friends and family. This is not a luxury but a need.  
  1. I don’t know what your custody arrangements are, but if your ex is present in your child’s life, it is a good idea to be as aligned as possible for the sake of your child and to share the mental load as much as possible. Creating a parenting plan is usually a good idea. Find more about how to create one and some templates here.  

I coach mothers going through your same situation. I don’t have a magic wand to solve your problems, but what I do have are strategies that can help live your life in a way that aligns with your values and goals. Get in touch if this resonates with you and want to find out more.  

I wish you all the very best.  

Love, 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

Related articles: 

Do You Have Any Lone Parent Advice? 

I Am Newly Separated and Struggling 

I Feel like a Mom Slave: What Do I Do? 

Do You Have Advice for Stress Relief for Parents? 

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2025-04-25 07:23:36
Hola Ana,
Qué fantástico artículo y que buenos consejos. Ha sido de una gran ayuda. Un abrazo muy fuerte
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2025-03-31 19:41:20
Qué ilusión tu mensaje, Pia! Gracias a tí por leernos.
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2025-03-06 09:31:35
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Meghan
2025-02-07 21:26:19
Is there a printable version of the article? I am a school based mental health professional and would like to share it with parents.
J
2025-02-03 10:52:04
This is such a great writeup. I think too often we get caught in a rutt of trying to categorise everything. Our daily lives are kind of dictated by categories and labels, certainly in a digital world.

I'd imagine this is quite deteremental for a childs development in the long run as nothing stays the same forever, and we shouldn't really be making these categorisations, especially towards our children.

Just live life, sometimes you'll have to be the parent that's the shoulder to cry on. The week after you may have to raise your voice a little when everyone is in a rush and you're trying to get your children's shoes on.

Just balance it all out, don't be too self critical and pick up on what your child wants and needs.

Again, great writeup!
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-13 12:51:46
Dear Robert,
Thank you so much for your comment. I totally get what you mean. It is always difficult to have kids living with you, wanting to support them and their parents but at the same time not wanting to step in anyone's toes. If there's anything we can do to support you and your family, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us.

Ana
Robert Eisenbart
2024-09-10 00:43:07
Great Article! I'm a retired FNP. Years ago I taught a STEP program to parents via family court cases. I now have a daughter and her man disciplining three children 4, 8, and 10. The 10 year old has ADHD and my personal diagnosis is she's also Oppositional/Defiant. I believe the OD came from harsh discipline. All they seem to do is punish and threaten physical punishment. They say positive reinforcement didn't work however they tried it for about 2 months and then went back to punishment. I can't reason with them as "they are the parents"!! is all I hear. They all live with me and have since the oldest was about 2. Sadly I can see the other 2 developing issues like anxiety and aggression as well. Trying to show them another side of adult supervision when I have them but frustrating.
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-02 20:48:07
Really glad you found it useful! Thank you for being here and for your comment.

Ana
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-05-17 09:55:58
Hi Donna,
sO great to have you here! Totally agree that Zara is great! What other topics would you like us to discuss?
Ana
Donna
2024-05-17 09:49:36
Love Zara’s ways of teaching for both parents & kids! Also so helpful. We want more!! (Please!) :D
Ana Aznar
2024-05-08 07:24:31
We are glad you found the content useful! Many thanks for being here.
Ana
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2024-04-09 18:20:19
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