How Do I Build a Good Relationship with my Stepdaughter?
“I’ve heard of family therapy activities for relationship building, can this also work for kids and step parents and do you have recommendations or ideas? I want to build the healthiest relationship I can with my new stepdaughter”.
You are not the only one trying to make your blended family work. Statistics show that in US 65% of people are part of a blended family. I think it is great that you want to establish a good relationship with your stepdaughter, but I don’t think you need to engage in therapy activities or go to therapy to do so.
I do not know how your family situation is or your stepdaughter’s age, but my suggestion is that you build a relationship with her from a place of love, fun, and understanding.
Here are a few things that may help you:
- Start the relationship with no expectations. If you have any expectations (e.g., she will come to you for advice, you will go shopping together….) ditch them. The best thing you can do is to let the relationship develop organically and see where it takes you.
- Let her set the pace. Rushing things is never a good idea. Take your time getting to know her. Building a relationship with a stepchild is not an instant thing. Be patient.
- Invite her to participate in some of your hobbies and take an interest in activities she enjoys.
- Respect her relationship with your partner.
- Do not try to take her mum’s place. You can position yourself as a trusted adult. As someone she can come to for support and to have fun with. Never criticize her mum.
- A topic that is usually tricky amongst blended families is discipline. Agree with your partner on a discipline strategy. Many families have a system where the biological parent disciplines the child with the support of the stepparent.
At the end of the day, it is about finding out what works for your stepdaughter, your new partner and you. Communication is key.
I wish you all the very best.
Ana
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