Category: Parents' Zone, Q&As
How Do I Build a Good Relationship with my Stepdaughter?
Published : Dec 01, 2025
By Dr. Ana Aznar
“I’ve heard of family therapy activities for relationship building, can this also work for kids and step parents and do you have recommendations or ideas? I want to build the healthiest relationship I can with my new stepdaughter”.
You are not the only one trying to make your blended family work. Statistics show that in US 65% of people are part of a blended family. I think it is great that you want to establish a good relationship with your stepdaughter, but I don’t think you need to engage in therapy activities or go to therapy to do so.
I do not know how your family situation is or your stepdaughter’s age, but my suggestion is that you build a relationship with her from a place of love, fun, and understanding.
Here are a few things that may help you:
- Start the relationship with no expectations. If you have any expectations (e.g., she will come to you for advice, you will go shopping together….) ditch them. The best thing you can do is to let the relationship develop organically and see where it takes you.
- Let her set the pace. Rushing things is never a good idea. Take your time getting to know her. Building a relationship with a stepchild is not an instant thing. Be patient.
- Invite her to participate in some of your hobbies and take an interest in activities she enjoys.
- Respect her relationship with your partner.
- Do not try to take her mum’s place. You can position yourself as a trusted adult. As someone she can come to for support and to have fun with. Never criticize her mum.
- A topic that is usually tricky amongst blended families is discipline. Agree with your partner on a discipline strategy. Many families have a system where the biological parent disciplines the child with the support of the stepparent.
At the end of the day, it is about finding out what works for your stepdaughter, your new partner and you. Communication is key.
I wish you all the very best.
Ana
Related articles:
I am in Love with my Ex: Will It Impact How We Co-Parent Our Son?
Leave a comment
Comments
Cristo
2025-07-29 12:20:59
Amazing, thank you so much for this blog.
Pia Satrustegui
2025-04-25 07:23:36
Hola Ana,
Qué fantástico artículo y que buenos consejos. Ha sido de una gran ayuda. Un abrazo muy fuerte
Qué fantástico artículo y que buenos consejos. Ha sido de una gran ayuda. Un abrazo muy fuerte
Dr. Ana Aznar
2025-03-31 19:41:20
Qué ilusión tu mensaje, Pia! Gracias a tí por leernos.
Pia Satrustegui
2025-03-28 10:13:56
Querida Ana,
Maravilloso artículo sobre la serie Adolescentes y consejos de gran ayuda en una etapa tan complicada de nuestros hijos , tan desprotegidos frente a las nuevas tecnologías.Es una ayuda tremenda para nosotros. Muchas gracias
Maravilloso artículo sobre la serie Adolescentes y consejos de gran ayuda en una etapa tan complicada de nuestros hijos , tan desprotegidos frente a las nuevas tecnologías.Es una ayuda tremenda para nosotros. Muchas gracias
Armani
2025-03-06 09:31:35
This is ethically wrong and I don't think it's worth the damage it will ultimately cause to the relationship. And the issues it will cause for the one being spied on. Just don't do it.
Meghan
2025-02-07 21:26:19
Is there a printable version of the article? I am a school based mental health professional and would like to share it with parents.
J
2025-02-03 10:52:04
This is such a great writeup. I think too often we get caught in a rutt of trying to categorise everything. Our daily lives are kind of dictated by categories and labels, certainly in a digital world.
I'd imagine this is quite deteremental for a childs development in the long run as nothing stays the same forever, and we shouldn't really be making these categorisations, especially towards our children.
Just live life, sometimes you'll have to be the parent that's the shoulder to cry on. The week after you may have to raise your voice a little when everyone is in a rush and you're trying to get your children's shoes on.
Just balance it all out, don't be too self critical and pick up on what your child wants and needs.
Again, great writeup!
I'd imagine this is quite deteremental for a childs development in the long run as nothing stays the same forever, and we shouldn't really be making these categorisations, especially towards our children.
Just live life, sometimes you'll have to be the parent that's the shoulder to cry on. The week after you may have to raise your voice a little when everyone is in a rush and you're trying to get your children's shoes on.
Just balance it all out, don't be too self critical and pick up on what your child wants and needs.
Again, great writeup!
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-13 12:51:46
Dear Robert,
Thank you so much for your comment. I totally get what you mean. It is always difficult to have kids living with you, wanting to support them and their parents but at the same time not wanting to step in anyone's toes. If there's anything we can do to support you and your family, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us.
Ana
Thank you so much for your comment. I totally get what you mean. It is always difficult to have kids living with you, wanting to support them and their parents but at the same time not wanting to step in anyone's toes. If there's anything we can do to support you and your family, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us.
Ana
Robert Eisenbart
2024-09-10 00:43:07
Great Article! I'm a retired FNP. Years ago I taught a STEP program to parents via family court cases. I now have a daughter and her man disciplining three children 4, 8, and 10. The 10 year old has ADHD and my personal diagnosis is she's also Oppositional/Defiant. I believe the OD came from harsh discipline. All they seem to do is punish and threaten physical punishment. They say positive reinforcement didn't work however they tried it for about 2 months and then went back to punishment. I can't reason with them as "they are the parents"!! is all I hear. They all live with me and have since the oldest was about 2. Sadly I can see the other 2 developing issues like anxiety and aggression as well. Trying to show them another side of adult supervision when I have them but frustrating.
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-02 20:48:07
Really glad you found it useful! Thank you for being here and for your comment.
Ana
Ana
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-05-17 09:55:58
Hi Donna,
sO great to have you here! Totally agree that Zara is great! What other topics would you like us to discuss?
Ana
sO great to have you here! Totally agree that Zara is great! What other topics would you like us to discuss?
Ana
Donna
2024-05-17 09:49:36
Love Zara’s ways of teaching for both parents & kids! Also so helpful. We want more!! (Please!) :D
Ana Aznar
2024-05-08 07:24:31
We are glad you found the content useful! Many thanks for being here.
Ana
Ana
Cristoj
2024-04-09 18:20:19
Great article!!!
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