Tips on Dealing with Teenage Behaviour Problems?
“Do you have tips on dealing with teenage behavior problems? He’s lying, screaming, sneaking out, etc. and just turned 14”
The teenage years can be tricky because your son is going through a process of individuation: he is separating from you, finding out his own identity, while at the same time his friends and peers become of vital importance. At the same time, school becomes more demanding, and they have to navigate body changes, romantic relationships… It is a lot!
I would first have a chat with him. Not about his behaviour but about his life in general: How is he finding it? How is he doing at school? How is he doing with friends? Does he have any worries? Is he happy at home? Try to listen and don’t rush to offer solutions if he is facing difficulties. As parents we want to solve things but sometimes our teenager just wants to be heard. Take his worries seriously even if they don’t seem important to you.
Now let’s tackle his behaviours. With the lying and sneaking out, ask him why he is doing it. With the lying, try to understand why the lie: did he lie not to get into trouble at school or was he for example, covering a friend? Tackle the reason for lying more than the lie itself. What about the sneaking out? Is he sneaking out because all his friends have a later curfew than him? What is he doing when he sneaks out? Where is he going? Have a chat with him about it to understand his motives and see how together you can get to an agreement where he doesn’t feel the need to sneak out and you feel he is respecting the limits and boundaries you are establishing. Remember that for a teenager to follow the rules, they must understand them.
With the screaming, every time he screams tell him: “I don’t think you have realized how much you have screamed and how awful it sounds. Why don’t you try to say it again?”. The louder he screams, the softer you should talk. Do not engage in a screaming battle, if you think you are going to lose it, just tell him you will continue the conversation when you both feel calmer.
Have a chat with his teachers to see how he is behaving at school and whether there are any issues.
Sometimes, when our teenagers behave this way it is easy to fall into a very negative relationship with him. Show him love, praise him when he behaves well, and spend time with him.
I hope this information helps. Do not hesitate to get in touch if you want to discuss it further.
I wish you the very best.
Ana
Related articles:
My 12 Year-Old Is Misbehaving at School
How Can I Support my Daughter through Challenging Teen Years?
