”Screen time is driving me crazy. Every day it’s the same battle. my kids just want more and more. How do I set limits that actually stick without World War III breaking out in my living room?”
You are not the only one feeling like this! Unfortunately, screen time is something most parents struggle with.
If you are having trouble setting limits around screens, you should sit with your children and tell them that rules are not working and that you need to rethink them as a family. You may even want to write down the new rules in a “contract” and have each kid sign them. If they don’t follow the contract, there will be consequences.
What kind of rules should you establish? Different families have different rules, but in general these tend to work:
1. Make it clear that the phone/computer/tv is yours. You pay for them and if they don’t follow the rules you set, there will be consequences.
2. Make it very clear that aggressiveness is not allowed. Under no circumstances.
3. Set the rules: how much screen time can they have per day, when, where, and what they can do with them.
4. Establish the consequences. Ideally, you want to establish connected consequences. For example, if they can have the ipad for 30 minutes, and they have it for longer, the following day their screen time will be reduced.
5. Establish the rules and be consistent. Rules should always be the same, and consequences when rules are broken should always be the same. If you have a partner, it is very important that you both agree to change the rules and that you both do the work to achieve it. Work as a team.
6. They should never have screens in their bedrooms at night. They must give you all the screens before going to bed.
7. If you have not done it yet, install parental controls and monitor what they are doing. It is not the same if your child spends an hour playing online with friends than if he spends an hour watching porn. Screen time is important, but it is also important what they are doing with the screens and what they are not doing because they are with the screen. Ideally, you want your children to find a balance between homework, sports, time with friends and family, and screens.
Your children will resist. They won’t want you to change the rules but remember that it is never too late to change the rules and that you are the parent, you are in charge. It is important that they understand why you are changing the rules because they are more likely to follow them, but if they refuse, it is perfectly fine for you say: “I am sorry if you don’t understand the new rules but I am your mother and because I love you, I am doing what is best for you”.
I hope this helps!
Ana
Related articles:
Children, Mental Health, and Screens
My Teen Is Sexting: What Do I Do?
How Do I Manage my Children’s Screen Time?
“How would you suggest I manage my 7 year old son’s screen time? he’s also autistic so i don’t want to take away one of the things he depends on like the ipad, but i’m worried that he’s spending too much time on it, plus his online learning hours are also on a screen so it’s like there’s almost no non–screen time right now.”
You are not the only parent wondering if their child is having too much screen time. I think it is a good idea for you to make a proper assessment of how much screen time your son is having a day but also what he is doing when he is on the screen. Make a record of it over a week: time and activity and then with that objective information, evaluate if he is really spending too much time on it.
Your goal should be for your child to find a balance between his screen time, and time he spends outdoors, with friends and family, at school, sleep…. Ideally, he should find a balance between all aspects of his life.
If you find that he is really spending too much time on the screen, have a chat with him about it and renegotiate with him new rules that you both agree with.
I hope this helps!
Regards,
Ana
Dr Ana Aznar
Related readings:
Children, Mental Health, and Screens
How Do I Manage my Children’s Screen Time?
“¿Cuánto tiempo de pantalla debería tener un niño de 7 años?”
La Asociación Americana de Psicología (APA) recomienda que los niños menores de 2 años no pasen tiempo frente a pantallas, excepto para videollamadas. Para niños de 2 a 5 años, la APA recomienda una hora diaria de contenido de alta calidad. A partir de los 6 años, la recomendación es simplemente «establecer límites consistentes sobre el tiempo dedicado al uso de medios y los tipos de medios». Como puedes ver, no existen directrices oficiales claras para responder a tu pregunta.
El tiempo que le dedique tu hijo a las pantallas depende de ti y de sus valores. Yo diría que, idealmente, deberías buscar un equilibrio. Debería tener tiempo para estar con amigos y familiares, hacer deporte y deberes, dormir lo suficiente y pasar tiempo con la pantallas. Si deja de hacer alguna de estas cosas porque pasa demasiado tiempo frente a pantallas, debes guiarlo para que recupere el equilibrio. Las pantallas no deberían interferir con el sueño, el juego, el ejercicio ni con la interacción con otras personas.
Además, considera qué hace con las pantallas. No es lo mismo si está chateando con amigos que si está jugando solo a un videojuego muy violento. Lo que hace mientras está frente a la pantalla importa tanto, o incluso más, que el tiempo que pasa frente a ella.
Establece reglas claras sobre el tiempo frente a la pantalla:
- ¿Cuándo puede estar frente a la pantalla?
- ¿Durante cuánto tiempo?
- ¿A qué juegos puede jugar?
- ¿Con quién puede jugar?
- ¿Cuáles son las consecuencias si rompe las reglas?
Estos artículos también te pueden resultar útiles:
¿Dejar que mi Hijo Juegue Roblox Arruinará nuestra Relación?
¿Cómo Afectan las Pantallas a la Salud Mental de los Niños?
¿Podrías Recomendar Consecuencias Efectivas para Niños de 8 Años?
Os deseo todo lo mejor.
Un abrazo,
Ana
