I Read my Daughter’s Diary, What Do I Do?

“I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I read my 12 year old’s diary. The most recent entry was after a lovely day out to the beach when we all seemed perfectly happy, but it read «why do my parents hate me». I’m so confused and saddened by this, what should I do?” 

As you say, reading your daughter’s diary is never a good idea. In general, teenagers who believe their parents have invaded their privacy go on to have higher levels of conflict at home.  

Always, remember that rather than snooping on our children or trying to control them, what we want to achieve is a good, loving and trusting relationship with them, so they confide in us. Having said this, teenagers will always keep parts of themselves to themselves, as we all do. You cannot expect your daughter to tell you everything that is going on in her life.  

I understand that you feel bad about having read the diary. You should ask yourself why you read the diary. Were you just snooping? Or did you read it because you are worried about her? I think that whatever your reasons, you should keep in mind that even if you shouldn’t have read it, you did it from a place of love, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Understand your motives, forgive yourself, and work on processing those feelings of confusion and sadness you are experiencing.  

You have two options: tell your daughter what you did or not tell her. I cannot tell you what to do. If you tell her, you need to apologize and you will have to face her anger. Telling her, may damage your relationship at least for a while. If you don’t tell her, you are lying to her by omission. She may feel that something is wrong between you two, even if you don’t say anything. 

I hope this information helps. It may definitely be a good idea to discuss this issue and your feelings about it with a qualified therapist. Do get in touch with me if this is something you would like to do.  

I wish you both all the very best.  

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar